


A Dance through Bones and Ashes

by Charming_Scotsman, The_main_Battledancer, Xayah90



Series: Rebels-Saga [3]
Category: League of Legends
Genre: 2nd War: Ionia vs Noxus, Based on old Lore, Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, Character Death, Depression, Dissociation, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Invasion, Irelia joins some time later in the story, Major Character Injury, Mentions of Rape, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Sexual Violence, Slice of Life, Suicidal Thoughts, Things are partially pretty dark, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:21:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 29,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27174448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charming_Scotsman/pseuds/Charming_Scotsman, https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_main_Battledancer/pseuds/The_main_Battledancer, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xayah90/pseuds/Xayah90
Summary: Sequel of 'There is nothing you could do to make me turn my back on you'._______________Several years have passed since Xayah and Rakan formed their eternal bond, still chasing their dream of releasing the wild magic of Ionia entirely. While the rebellion is getting closer to its goal, the daily routine is slowly taking over their lives. Until the moment when a new danger reveals its face and threatens their future life in Ionia.In order to protect their homeland from being destroyed by Noxus and to maintain peace in their country, the rebels are forced to join forces with humans, not knowing if they can truly trust them.In the face of war, new friendships are made, glorious victories are celebrated, and terrible losses are mourned that will change their lives forever.
Relationships: Rakan/Xayah (League of Legends)
Series: Rebels-Saga [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1755052
Comments: 8
Kudos: 20





	1. A new Era

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there! 
> 
> I'm happy to present you the first chapter of the sequel, which starts a few years after the events of part 1 (and originally should have been part of it, but since the setting and the story are too different, I thought it would be better to make a second part out of it).
> 
> I'd like to note that some of the characters from part 1 have become main characters, this includes the characters Blaan, Shona and Anice (who would have thought *cough* ).
> 
> I wish you a lot of fun.
> 
> _______________________
> 
> Disclaimer:
> 
> This Story was created under Riot Games' "Legal Jibber Jabber" policy using assets owned by Riot Games. Riot Games does not endorse or sponsor this project.
> 
> API Key received.

A famous violinist once said that music means much more than words. Through the exchange of sounds,  
you get to know and understand each other. Just like the souls are connected. As if the hearts became one.  
It is a dialogue through instruments, a miracle that creates harmony. In this moment, music says more than words.

\- Kaori Miyazono (Your Lie in April)

  
The last sunrays pass through the crowns of the trees, bathing the clearing in a soft light, while the chirping of the last birds fades away. Some pieces of meat and roots are stuck on skewers above the crackling fire, while small sparks rise and playfully dance around the flickering flames. "The mission was a success, good job." With a slight smile, Xayah looks around, glancing from one to the other, before she sits down next to Rakan and accepts the cup he hands her.

"Let us raise our glasses to our fallen brother!" She raises her cup, looking from one to another, while one by one they do the same. Her eyes rest on Allie, a young cat-Vastaya, who looks over to Xayah with tears in her eyes before she sets the cup to her lips and empties it in a single motion. 

" What is the next step?" Anice looks at her seriously, lifting her cup to her lips and taking a sip. "We will split up and check on the border areas before we all meet in Vlonqo." A slow nod passes through the row, the tension is clearly felt. 

Blaan glances over to his tent, which he shares with Shona, forehead wrinkled, before he looks to the side in surprise as Rakan puts his hand on his shoulder. "You don't have to worry just because she's been away a little longer. Either she's feeding the little one or she's fallen asleep from exhaustion, the little guy keeps her awake a lot," he laughs softly, winking at his friend. 

"To be fair, Aidan keeps all of us awake," laughs Greer, taking a skewer from the fire and carefully taking a bite. The others start laughing when a moment later the said tent opens and Shona steps out, causing even more laughter. Motivated by the change of mood, Anice takes out her flute and starts to play a lively song, so that shortly afterwards some of the people around the fire dance, laughing and singing softly. 

With a broad smile on his lips, Rakan straightens up, holding his hand towards Xayah. "Babe, now isn't the right moment," she mumbles, looking towards the fire. But Rakan just shakes his head, holding his hand further in front of her. "Come dance with me," he smiles with sparkling gaze, she rolls her eyes and sighs loudly, but grabs his hand and lets him lead her over to the fire, pressing herself close to him. 

"Until dawn you are mine," he whispers softly into her ear, receiving a smile from her. "I' m yours since a long time," she whispers, nestling closer to him and letting him lead her in a close dance. She closes her eyes, her head resting on his chest, her ears tilted back and listening to his heartbeat.

In disbelief, Allie gazes from one to the other, from Anice, who plays happy music and encourages the others to dance, over to the dancers, before her eyes rest on a small group of people aside, laughing and gesticulating. "What the hell is going on here?! Faolan died today! And you are acting as if nothing happened? As if everything is the same? What is wrong with you guys?!" Her voice sounds like she' s in a frenzy, while the eyes of the others turn to her. Xayah immediately leaves Rakan, taking a step towards Allie, who is brushing her brown curls from her face, her blue eyes filled with tears. 

"This is our way of dealing with the losses. As long as we let our lost brothers and sisters be part of our lives, they stay with us," she whispers, closing her eyes for a brief moment.   
"No one here knows their fate today, no one here knows what will happen, how long we will still be alive. It could be over any day." Anice gives her a sad look. "Believe me, I know what I' m talking about. We all know this feeling. We all have lost someone who was dear to us," she whispers, in her thoughts once again thinking of Jamie.   
  
"We don't know what will happen, but this night will remain in our hearts, wherever our path may lead us". Sadly, Xayah looks up to Rakan, who wraps his arm around her. "Think of something else," he whispers to her, getting a slight nod in response. Xayah looks at her with steady eyes, a sad smile on her lips. "You learn to live with the pain of losing. You learn to accept it as a part of you and carry the memories of your friends with you, locking them deep in your heart. At least if you could form memories together." 

Slowly she turns around, disappearing towards her tent, before stopping for a second. "I'm going to bed. Good night." With quick steps she disappears through the entrance of the tent, leaving the others behind in an uneasy silence. Questioningly, Allie looks from one to the other. "What does she mean about forming memories together? You share memories with everyone you know." She furrows her brow. 

"No, not always. There is a form of love that is possible without physical contact," murmurs Shona, looking sadly over to the tent. Questioningly, Allie looks from one to the other. "We would have a child," smiles Rakan sadly, sitting down. "It died before being born," he mumbles softly, pushing a piece of wood into the fire. Then he looks up, smiling broadly again. "She's fine, she's going to be all right. She always has so far. Xayah is strong," he laughs softly, taking a piece of meat out of the fire and putting it on a flat wooden plate before a second one follows, as well as two large potatoes cooked in the embers. 

"I'll make sure she eats something," he grins before he gets up and walks over to the tent and disappears into it. Blaan looks seriously at Allie, sitting back in his seat. "I know you're still rather new here and our way of dealing with grief may seem a bit confusing to you, but over all these years it's just been our way of letting our dead live on as a part of us. Accept that." She nods slightly, head down to the floor. "Will it ever stop? The pain, I mean?"

"No. It won't stop, it becomes a part of you, a memory of something that has passed. Fao's death will not be the last in our ranks, so learn to deal with the grief, or it will eat you up from within. We've all been through that. Every single one." Seriously, Anice looks at the young girl, stroking one of her floppy ears back. "It doesn't matter how well-planned the missions are, how long Xayah sits there thinking it all through. There is always the possibility that something will go wrong, that one of us will die. She can only plan so much, as she is able to. Accidents happen. She has done everything she could, but unfortunately it went wrong."

"No matter how much you condemn her for the failed mission, condemn her for Fao's death... she condemns herself more than you ever could. And to be honest, she's right. The mission was a complete success. Only one of us died in the chaos where many more of us could have lost our lives. We owe that to her planning." Shona smiles sadly. Slowly Allie nods to her, her head slightly tilted as if she was thinking about her words. "I understand." 

Silently they sit around the fire, absorbed in their food and their thoughts. "I'm going to bed before Aidan wakes all of us again," Greer winks at her friends before getting up and walking over to her tent, receiving an extending middle finger from Shona as her response. It doesn't take long and the rest of the others have disappeared into their tents.

  
~ * ~

  
When Xayah leaves the tent in a good mood the next morning, there is complete silence in the camp, the only sound heard is the chirping of the birds. Smiling, she grabs two of the small kettles, walks over to the nearby river and fills them with fresh water. A short time later one of the cauldrons hangs over the cozy crackling fire while she mixes flour, salt and a shot of rum and water in a bowl, humming softly to herself. 

"Good morning." Allie approaches her smiling. "I'm glad to find you alone at this moment, I wanted to..." Surprised, Xayah looks up, falling into the words of the young Vastaya. "Don't you dare apologize. Everyone has his own opinions and I accept that. I know it's my fault Fao was killed. But I promise you I did everything I could." She clicks her tongue, staring at the dough on her fingers. 

Slowly, Allie nods, smiling. "I think what you're doing is good," she smiles slightly, receiving an surprised look from her before returning the smile. She winks at her from the side. "Otherwise you wouldn't have joined us," she grins at the young girl, before her eyes turn back to the dough in the bowl and to her fingers. "That can' t be true, I've been making this damn dough for breakfast for more than 15 years and still can't get the chunks out!"

With eyes wide open, Allie stares at her, mouth slightly open. "More than 15 years? I didn't knew you've been fighting for this cause for so long," she mumbles quietly, receiving a surprised look from Xayah. "Most of us are fighting much longer for a better life for our tribes. When I started the rebellion with Blaan, Shona and... and Keir, I was younger than you are now. We've seen a lot in that time and accomplished more than I ever thought possible," she smiles, continuing to knead the dough while Allie starts to clean some large, flat stones and spread them around the fire.

"I' m glad that you have accepted me. I' m proud to be a member of the movement. It's just... so much is new to me. When we had to say goodbye to someone at home, they didn't celebrate, they sang for them and they told stories about them. The fact that you were celebrating seemed to me like you didn't care at all, which is why I freaked out yesterday". She throws an apologetic smile at her, spreading a little butter on the stones while Xayah places small pieces of dough on top. 

"You haven't lost anyone close to you yet, haven't you?" 

Attentively, Xayah looks at the youngest member of her rebellion, who nods slowly. "Just a few members of my tribe, but I didn't got a close bond with them..." she mumbles, receiving a slight nod from her. "You know, our loved ones aren't completely gone. If you close your eyes and listen to the wind or the sound of the water, if you listen carefully, you can still hear him, the song that surrounded his soul. Whenever you feel the need to talk to Fao, go to the river or away from the group for a while so that no one disturbs you. Talk to him, tell him about everything that is on your mind, even if he doesn't give you a literal answer, he will hear you and be with you".

Allie nods gently to her before she walks over to Xayah and gives her a firm embrace, she cramps up for a moment before her muscles relax again and she gently strokes Allies back. "Thank you," she whispers softly. Surprised, Xayah looks down at her. "For what?"

Without giving an answer, Allie just smiles, kneeling down and turning one of the bannocks around. "Oh, I've spread flourish chunks of dough on your back," Xayah giggles quietly, looking at her hands before she wipes the dough off with a cloth and wipes over the stains with a clean spot of it.

"Good morning." Looking slightly sleepy, Shona approaches the two of them, holding Aidan in her arms and sitting by the fire. "Oh, bannocks for breakfast. How about some eggs and bacon?" In a good mood the other two nod to her. "I can take the little one for as long as you like," smiles Xayah with sparkling eyes while Shona puts the baby in her arms and takes care of the rest of the breakfast afterwards. "I really love the little asskicker, but honestly I'm glad if you take him for a little while now and then," she laughs, winking at her friend and watching as Xayah holds the baby in her arms and lets him reach for her finger.

"Are you still trying?" Surprised, she looks up from Aidan, slowly shaking her head. "No. We tried it right after it happened, Orome said that the chances are highest during the first cycle but we haven't been lucky since. I guess it's just not meant to be, you know, a family." She throws an fake smile at her friend, but the expression in her eyes can' t hide her true feelings. "You are still young, you have plenty of time to just keep trying," Shona tries to cheer her up. 

Xayah sighs softly, trying again to smile and failing even more than before. "As the leader of our cause, it is better not to have a child anyway. It would just become a target for the enemy.And as leader, I can' t provide an opportunity for vulnerability, it would risk our cause."

  
Carefully, Allie looks back and forth between the two of them, forehead wrinkled, before she slowly puts her arms in front of her chest. "Even though you and your husband are the leaders of our cause... you too have deserved to be happy." Shona nods in agreement, looking back at the eggs, while from a distance the voices of Blaan and Rakan reach their ears.

"Good morning!" The two men approach their spouses. "We have checked the surroundings, no suspicious signs. So we don't need to worry about intruders." Smiling, Blaan approaches the large metal pan and tries to steal a piece of bacon, causing Shona to slap his fingers. "We'll wait until everyone is here."

With a broad grin, Rakan sits down next to Xayah, admiring her before he puts his arm around her shoulder, breathing a gentle kiss on her ear. "Having a child in your arms suits you," he whispers softly, breathing another kiss on her ear. She snuggles up closely to him, eyes fixed on Aidan, and a light smile flits across her lips. 


	2. I'm not afraid

  
Humming softly they follow the path, passing bushes and undergrowth, next to them the river, with its soft buzzing accompanying their way. "It's not far anymore, we' ll be in Terekusa-Sō soon." Smiling, Rakan looks at her, wrapping his arm around her and tenderly dragging her towards him. She nods slightly. "It will be the first time we are in this village as husband and wife," she whispers, eyes pointing to the ground, a slight redness running across her cheeks. 

With shining eyes he looks at her from the side, her shoulder slightly squeezed. "What do you think about visiting our friends?" He smiles broadly, causing her to raise her head in surprise, looking directly at him. "You mean Iduna, Rucia and Enya?" A slight uncertainty resonates in her voice as her eyes move back to the ground and she bites her lower lip. 

Rakan stops in surprise, looking at her seriously. His hand reaches under her chin and lifts it slightly, gently yet firmly making her look at him, while a loving smile is on his lips. "You don't need to be afraid or feel uncomfortable, Miella. I know how you feel about this place and I will protect you, do you understand?" She nods slowly, smiling hesitantly. "It's been so long. So incredibly long. And still I' m terrified at the thought of going to this village. What's wrong with me?" 

Once again she bites her lower lip, avoiding his gaze. But he just shakes his head, dragging her into a loving embrace, placing a hand on the back of her head. " Nothing is wrong with you, you are perfect the way you are. What was wrong is what was done to you. But you are strong, you have survived all this and proved that you can move on, that what you have experienced has no meaning for your future.

Gently he puts his lips on her forehead as she returns the embrace and slowly separates from him, her eyes fixed on his, a slight smile plays around her lips. "Let's go, before we don't arrive at all," she laughs softly and he can feel a weight of tons falling from her shoulders as she strides forward, humming softly again. 

He catches up quickly, putting his arm around her shoulder and follows her humming as he gently strokes the skin of her upper arm with his thumb, bringing a light smile to her lips. 

When they reach the village border a few hours later, her tension is back again, calming her, he squeezes her hand and leads her across the large meadow over to the house where Iduna and her small family live. He stops a little way from the door, giving her a questioning look. 

"Ready?"

Hesitantly she nods and not a blink of an eye later Rakan knocks on the door. For a brief moment everything is quiet and it almost seems as if no one is at home, when the door opens and a teenager answers the door at last, brown curls falling into her face and her blue eyes widening curiously as she sees the figures in front of the door. "Hello little one, is your mother at home?" 

Rakan smiles broadly at her, before she slams the door shut in front of his face and they hear through the closed door how the girl calls for her aunt. They look at each other in amazement and just as Xayah opens her mouth to say something, the door opens again, a middle-aged adult woman opens the door for them and looks at them questioningly, her brows slightly narrowed.

"I know you, don't I?" She looks attentively at Xayah, and as she slowly nods, her face brightens, immediately she opens the door and steps aside. "You helped me in the tavern so many years ago," she smiles broadly, inviting them in with a gesture of her hand. 

In good mood Rakan steps through the door, his eyes resting again on the blonde girl, they widen as the realization hits him. "You are Enya, right?!" He looks at Xayah with wide open eyes, while the girl nods intimidated, looking down. 

"Where is Iduna?" Xayah's voice is soft and she regrets the question immediately as she sees Rucia's face take on a sad expression. "Mother died, unfortunately, several years ago. Enya and me have lived here alone since then." Understandingly she nods, putting a hand on her shoulder. "You have hardly grown older, but so many years have passed!" Again she nods, "But we have grown up," laughs Rakan quietly, placing his hand on Xayah's shoulder. 

They sit together for a while at the same table where they sat so many years ago and tell each other what has happened in the meantime. When they leave a few hours later, night has already fallen and the streets are plunged into deep darkness. Humming, Rakan leads her to the tavern where they started as a couple so many years ago, where they spent their first night together. A broad smile wanders across her lips as she recognizes the place, while Rakan leads her inside.

With shining eyes she looks around the tavern, her eyes drift to the table where they were sitting at that day and without thinking about it she goes over to it, sits down again at the place where she was sitting just before the brawl. With a dreamy smile on her face, she strokes her finger across the tabletop while she dwells on her memories. 

Some time later he joins her at the table, carrying a bottle of wine and two glasses with him. "With glasses? It wasn't so noble back then," she giggles quietly, supporting her head on her fist while he nods slightly to her. " Nothing but the best for my lady," he grins, putting one of the glasses down in front of her and filling it with wine before he sits down opposite her and pours himself some wine, too.

"To my wonderful wife," he whispers softly. "Without who I can' t imagine life anymore." She blushes slightly, her glass clacking lightly at his. "To my perfect man," she replies. "No one makes me as happy as you do."

She takes a small sip of wine, glancing over to the table by the window and a broad smile flits across her lips before turning back to Rakan. "You know, when we were here and I took Rucia outside, I really didn't expect how the evening would end. Your confession caught me pretty off guard back then," she laughs softly, swaying the wine slightly before she looks him in the eye again.

Slowly he nods, his hand reaching out to hers. "Do you regret it?"

Surprised, she looks up, her head tilting slightly to the side. "What makes you think so?! Of course not! Just..." She breaks off, biting her lower lip before looking at him seriously. "Sometimes I wonder if you wish it had started differently. More romantic or something."

He leans forward a bit, looking deep into her eyes, while a hand is placed under her chin and lifts it slightly. Slowly he shakes his head, his smile becomes wider. 

"It was perfect the way it was. Would you wish this moment had been any different?" Immediately she shakes her head, a light smile plays around her lips. "No, it was perfect, I wouldn't change anything."

His thumb strokes her cheek and the expression in his eyes becomes softer. A loud scream lets them flinch, a bottle flies just past them and shatters against the wall to their side. Astonished, they look in the direction from which the bottle came, seeing how some men harass some others and push them into a corner. 

Within a few moments a lively brawl has started, more screams resound through the taproom and empty bottles and glasses fly through the room. Grinning, Rakan reaches for the wine bottle, distributing the remaining liquid into their glasses, before throwing the bottle towards the person who first aimed at them, though probably not on purpose.

Further shouting resounds and several, mostly empty, bottles fly towards them, one hits Rakan at the temple and cracks the skin at this point leaving blood running from the wound and down his face. She jumps up, looking at him worriedly, but he just shakes his head with a grin. Another bottle flies in her direction before it bursts at the edge of the table and the shards fly across the room. 

Grinning, Xayah grabs the chair she was sitting on before and throws it in the direction the bottle came from before. A moment later, Rakan reaches for her hand, dragging her up the stairs, before he stops in front of a door and grins at her broadly. 

"Is that...?" 

Her eyes widen as he opens the door for her, she slowly walks through it, looking around the room. "Yes, it is. The room where we spent our first night as a couple," he laughs softly, placing his arms around her from behind. For a brief moment she grimaces before turning slowly to him and giving him a passionate kiss. 

"Your dress has a wet spot. Are you hurt?" He looks at her in confusion, his forehead wrinkled. Surprised, she follows his gaze, looking at the wet spot on her dress. "If I am, I didn't noticed it," she giggles truthfully as he slowly unbuttons her belt and pushes the skirt of her dress up a little, looking at the injury. Satisfied, he notices that the cut is almost healed, as is the small wound on his head. 

"I'm going to clean up a bit," she laughs softly. "I'll be right back, wait for me here," she giggles, but the expression in her eyes is serious. Slowly Rakan nods, sitting on the edge of the bed, while Xayah disappears into the bathroom. 

After a while, a rumble comes from the bathroom and without thinking about it, Rakan tears open the door to the bathroom, his eyes resting for a moment on his wife, who is sitting on the floor in the middle of a large puddle, naked, legs wide open, he turns around without saying a word and slams the door back into the lock with a loud slam. 

When Xayah opens the door to the bedroom a moment later, he rests on the bed with his eyes closed. Her forehead wrinkles, her arms crossed in front of her chest and her eyes rolled. "We have been married for years, Rakan! You have seen me in entirely different and more provocative poses. You can't react like that!" He theatrically throws an arm over his eyes, still not looking at her. 

"Baaaabe, I'm dying! You have to take care of me." A soft gurgling can be heard in his voice, which is answered by Xayah rolling her eyes again. "You won't die of nosebleed," she sighs, a little louder than planned, then moves over to him, wiping the blood from his nose with a gentle movement, before she lies down on the bed next to him, her head on his chest.

In surprise, he notices that she is trembling and her eyes are squeezed together. Tenderly he puts a hand under her chin, looking directly into her face, even though her eyes are still closed. "You don't need to be afraid, Miella. I' m with you, I' ll protect you. No one will harm you, here or anywhere else." Gently he breathes a kiss on her hairline, lovingly holding her in his arms.

"I' m not afraid..."

Her voice is little more than a whisper and her body is still trembling. Lovingly, Rakan cradled her in his arms, gently stroking her through the plumage, while he starts telling her a story in which a human woman and a brave Vastayan warrior fall deeply in love until the human woman becomes ill.

She cuddles up closer to him. "I know the story, my dad told it to me when I was young." A broad smile rests on her lips and she looks at him apologetically, but he just shakes his head, continuing to gently caress her plumage. "You know, each tribe tells its own variation." She nods without saying a word, closing her eyes and listening to his words. 

**"Come with me, I will lead you to a place where you will feel no further pain. A place of eternal youth and beauty, of health and everlasting happiness," said the brave warrior, reaching out his hand to his beloved one.**

**She hesitated at first, but the hope of spending eternity with her soul mate made her forget her fear. So she followed him along the stone path to a weathered well in the middle of the forest.**

**The warrior clasped his beloved's hand with his own, closing his eyes. "Our worlds may part, but we will be together forever," he whispered to her, leading her into the other world.**

**And as the years passed, so the traces they left on the path faded and soon their names were forgotten forever.**

When he finished his story and breathed a loving kiss on her forehead, he realized that she had fallen asleep. Carefully he beds her head on the pillow and covers her up before he snuggles up next to her, giving her another loving kiss, this time on the cheek. "Sleep well, my darling," he whispers softly, also closing his eyes.


	3. Wounds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter might have content which doesnt suits everyone.

  
Rakan is abruptly torn from his sleep when Xayah begins to scream in panic and lash out, her eyes pressed tightly together and her face distorted to a painful grimace, cold sweat leaves her thin nightgown sticking to her like a second skin and her chest rises and falls jerkily and far too quickly.

He straightens up, with a quick movement of his hand lighting a candle on the bedside table, his eyes resting on Xayah's panicked face while he moves a hand to her cheek and looks for a small flask on the bedside table with the other. 

Startled, he sees her biting her lower lip firmer with every second and silent tears running down her cheeks and into the pillow. He turns around, searching the bedside table with his eyes and reaches for the flask relieved. 

"Miella," he whispers softly, gently stroking her cheek. "It's all right, I'm with you. You don't need to be afraid, do you hear me? Wake up, honey." It doesn't take long and she opens her eyes whimpering, trembling all over her body. Carefully he wraps her in a blanket, breathing a gentle kiss on her hairline before opening the flask and swaying it back and forth in front of her face. 

At first a faint, flowery smell surrounds her, which becomes stronger with every breath and spreads deep inside her, slowly soothing her. Satisfied, Rakan notices that her breathing slowly calms down again, he places his hand on her cheek again, breathing a tender kiss on her lips. "I' m with you, darling. Forever. Nothing will stop me from staying with you. And when I die and my last words to you weren't 'I love you', it's just because I didn't had the time anymore," he smiles lovingly, stroking his thumb across her cheek.

More tears form in her eyes and she looks down on her fingers while the dream still resonates in her, forcing her into a corner and leaving her trembling. She swallows, dragging the blanket tighter and without saying a word she slides off the bed, walking over to the window. Her eyes are directed to the wall at the end of the corridor, to the dead end, which was her downfall back then. Standing next to the wall are two men, Noxians, who are talking quietly.

In her mind's eye, she sees herself being cornered by the men like an animal, without the slightest chance or hope of escape from this situation. She swallows once more, the taste of blood stronger than before. She feels Rakan approaching her, closing her tightly in his arms, putting his head on her shoulder and also looking down into the alley. "It must have been terrible," he whispers, receiving a slight nod from her in response. 

In the reflection of the window panel he can see a tear running down her cheek and her lower lip trembling before she slowly closes her eyes. "I... I didn't fought back...", she whispers quietly sobbing. "I have just let them do it. I was paralyzed and couldn't move. I wanted to fight back, to defend myself, and at first I did it... but when I reached the wall and realized that there wasn't any escape, when they held me down and threw me back against the wall... my childish fears simply suppressed my will to fight and I let them do it..."

Her eyes slowly open again and focus on his reflection in the window, while she rubs her blanket over her cheek, wiping away the tears. "For a long time I thought that I could simply forget, that time would just erase the memory. But now I know that it isn't true. This pain never leaves me, it' s just too real, even in my dreams it feels as if it were real and this wound just doesn't seem to heal".

For a moment he remains silent, his arms tighter around her and his chin on her head. "This wound will never heal completely, it will get better and will become crusty, but there will always be moments when that crust will burst open and the memories will overwhelm you, when you will remember everything that happened. But you are no longer alone, I' m with you now. I will take care of your wound, I will treat it and maybe, just maybe, I will be able to make it start to scar at some point, so that you can leave behind what you have experienced and accept it as a part of your past without fear dragging you down".

  
She points her head upwards, looking into his face, a grateful expression in her eyes and a timid smile on her lips. Gently he strokes the blanket from her shoulders, sending it to the floor. "Just relax, honey," he whispers, giving her a tender kiss on the shoulder before he pours some of the oil from the small bottle onto the palm of his hand, placing the bottle on a nearby cupboard and spreading the oil on his hands, before gently beginning to rub it on her shoulders and back.

Humming softly, she closes her eyes, resting her arms on the window sill while he strokes her back. It doesn't take long and the lavender oil, together with the gentle massage, unfolds its effect and her legs threaten to melt away.

_"We are supposed to wait here for the courier, you risk-"_

Soft voices reach her ear without her actually hearing the words. "Just relax," Rakan repeats in a whisper, his fingers gliding across her back while his lips caress her neck and she can' t suppress a soft sigh. "You should lie down," he adds whispering, leading her over to the bed. 

With nimble fingers, he lets the nightgown slide down her body completely and returns to be a part of the magic that is in the surroundings. Patiently, he waits until she lies down comfortably, before he drips a few drops of the oil over her back and begins to massage it tenderly. It doesn't take long and he notices with satisfaction that her muscles have completely relaxed.

"How are you?" he whispers softly, stroking along her sides. To his surprise, he doesn't get an answer. Carefully, he turns her on her back and notices that she has fallen asleep again. A pleased smile flits across his lips and he drips a little of the oil over her chest and belly, gently massaging it down her front as well, before he lies down next to her and covers them together. In the very next moment she cuddles up to him in her sleep while he strokes her hair lovingly and gives her a tender kiss on her forehead. 

After a moment, his eyes also close again. 

~ * ~  
  


  
When Rakan wakes up hours later, she is still snuggled up close to him, her mouth open a little bit and mumbling softly.Her facial features are relaxed and he strokes his thumb lovingly over her Clantattoo. While they were sleeping the blanket has slid down to their claws and his eyes glide over her delicate skin while he strokes her side with his fingertips, stopping at a small scar. 

His forehead furrows, he is sure that this scar wasn't there a few months ago when they had as much time as they have now to just rest in a tavern room, sleep and enjoy each other's presence. His fingers move to her hips, while his eyes continue to slide down her body, coming to a halt on her stomach. 

Slight stretch marks are visible and he tenderly follows a slightly darker one with one of his fingers. Orome had said that he could remove the stretch marks, but when it was time to do so, other things were more important than her smooth skin. Rakan swallows, repressing the thought of the probably worst day of his life. 

"Hey Mieli," she mumbles, eyes still closed, a slight smile on her face. Tenderly he puts his hand on her belly, looking at her with a broad smile. "Don't look there like that, babe," she whispers, putting her wing over her side and her belly, covering the marks. Questioningly he looks at her, his forehead slightly wrinkled. "Why?"

A slight redness runs down her cheeks and she buries her face in his chest, murmuring softly into it. " Because they' re disgusting." 

in the same breath he places his hand under her chin, forcing her to look at him. "Never say that again, honey. You are beautiful. Every little bit of your skin is beautiful, every single stretch mark makes you even more beautiful, because they remind us that we almost had a family together, that a little one, half you and half me, enriched our lives. And they remind us that this dream didn't came true. Not yet."

"Not yet?"

She looks at him with eyes wide open, a slight blush spreads across her cheeks and gives him a questioning look, causing him to simply nod. "Or don't you want to start a family anymore?" She bites her lower lip, straightening up slightly and playing with a strand of her hair. " Yes, I do..."

"Then believe that we will make it happen."


	4. The Girl

  
They walk humming through the forest, faint light shines down on them through holes between the leaves. Quietly, insects buzz through the air, and some, further distant birds sing their songs merrily. Xayah's eyes are fixed on the map, which she holds with one hand, while a finger of her other hand moves slightly over the line she has painted on the paper. Her forehead is wrinkled before her eyes turn towards the sky, which is hardly visible through the foliage. 

Moving slowly towards her, his chin resting on her shoulder, he takes a look at the map as well. " What' s in your mind?" His voice is soft and he puts his arms around her waist, his eyes still fixed on the map. 

" We will be out of the forest soon, it' s not a long way and we are in Parja. From there it' s just half a day's journey to Vlonqo. However..." She breaks off, biting her lower lip and letting the map sink slightly. "What is it, Miella?"

She sighs quietly, closing her eyes. " It' s... well... it's a human village," she mumbles quietly, closing her eyes again. His arms close tighter around her, holding her in a confidence-giving embrace.

"What is the plan? Are we ahead or behind schedule?" He breathes a light kiss on her cheek, feeling her mouth curl into a smile. "Currently we are five days ahead of schedule. Since we were... you know where... we didn't take the planned break and went straight back on schedule, we have gained a few days. Why do you ask?" She turns her head slightly in his direction, looking at him questioningly. 

He scratches the back of his head slightly, a nervous smile flits across his lips and he avoids her gaze. Alarmed, she detaches herself from him, looking at him attentively, one brow pulled up questioningly. Gesturing with his hands, he looks at her apologetically. "I know you won't like the idea and you don't have to decide right away. I just thought we could spend the night at a nearby lake with a cave next to it and enjoy a little privacy". 

Her eyes soften instantly and she comes closer to him again, placing her head against his chest while her hands rest on his abs. " This reminds me a little bit of the Aphae Waterfalls," she whispers, closing her eyes again and listening to his heartbeat, so that she can't see how he grimaces.

Without being able to control it, his arms tighten around her and he buries his face in her hair. "Okay," she whispers softly, looking up. He looks at her in surprise, not expecting her to say yes. Tenderly he breathes a kiss on her hair before he gently lifts her chin with one hand and looks deep into her eyes. "This time I will take better care of you and protect you with my life. Nothing like what happened at the waterfalls will happen again."

She grins at him with raised eyebrows, slapping him lightly on the chest. "Do you think I can't take care of myself?" She laughs softly, her gaze moving up again to the sky, to the little blue that is visible through the holes in the branches and the green of the foliage.

In good humor, Rakan leads her towards the lake they want to spend the night at, talking quietly and exuberantly. From the side he looks at her with a broad smile and shining eyes. His look doesn't escape her. "What is it?" She looks at him thoughtfully from the side, her head tilted. "You become more beautiful every day," he answers, pulling her lovingly and stroking her side with his hand, causing Xayah to blush slightly. 

"Surely that isn't everything," she whispers softly, looking down at the ground.

For a short moment he is silent, before he nods slowly. "I'll tell you about it later, when we're sitting there snuggled up comfortably by the fire." His voice is soft and she puts her head to his shoulder, nodding slightly. "Would you like to tell me a story while we're on the road?" She smiles again slightly, playing with her finger at the tip of her hair.

He stops for a short moment, staring at the ground, before he gives her a quick glance and nods slowly. "I have a very special story in mind," he whispers, looking down again as he reaches for her hand and gently presses it. "I never told this story to anyone before, it's only for you, Xayah," he adds quietly, closing his eyes. 

He leads her through the forest, towards the lake, while he quietly begins to tell his story.

**"Many moons ago, there lived a frightened little girl, she was neither a warrior nor a heroine, and yet she was stronger than anyone in her tribe. Strangers had caused horrible suffering to the little girl and although she couldn't be blamed for what these men had done, the girl blamed herself for what had happened to her.**

**The only possibility left for the girl was to conceal her memories, in a place that no one but her could ever find. But when the girl locked away and hid all the negative memories, she realized that she had also hidden the beautiful memories and feelings. That she had locked away her happiness and laughter.**

**And yet the little girl didn't care, losing her happiness and laughter seemed like a small price to pay for the fact that all the painful memories were gone. But they weren't really gone, since they came back every night and reminded her in her sleep that she couldn't trust anyone.**

**So the little girl decided that she was only safe when she was alone and nobody around her. She didn't want anyone to see how she was secretly suffering. And yet she hoped that one day she would make it out of her hiding place, no matter if it takes a night or a hundred years, that she would manage to fight her fears, to conquer them.**

**The longer the girl was alone, the better she felt, she thought. No one could hear her crying at night anymore, and during the day the memories had completely disappeared from her mind and the fear decreased with each day, while her heart froze faster with each passing day and each night she suffered alone, until it had become a piece of pure ice over the years.**

**But just when she didn't expect it anymore, everything changed and her icy heart slowly began to melt again".**

A loud roll of thunder makes them flinch and Rakan interrupts his story, looking up to the sky. Neither of them had noticed that the sky had darkened, although the leaf cover had thinned out some time ago. For a moment, time seems to stand still and they just stay close to each other, while thick raindrops are falling down on them. With a gentle movement of his hand he strokes her cheek before another roll of thunder brings them back to reality. 

"It's not far anymore, we should hurry," he laughs softly, grabbing her by the hand and leading her almost running to the lake, which they could already see in the distance. While the rain seems to get stronger with every heartbeat they look deep into each other's eyes, laughing happily. As soon as they have arrived in the cave, Rakan throws his backpack to the ground, nodding outside. "I'll see if I can get some branches so we can make a fire."

Slowly she nods, dropping her backpack and looking around the shelter. There is a thick layer of straw on the back wall and she points with her head in the direction. "I will set up our tent and make everything ready, the straw can serve us as isolation."

Humming, Rakan walks out of the cave into the rain, to some trees that form a natural border between the forest and the clearing. When he comes back into the cave some time later, he notices that the tent is already fully set-up on the back wall of the cave, embedded in thick straw. The entrance is left open and cosy light emerges from inside the tent. 

Slowly he places the branches on the ground, murmuring quietly to himself to dry them before he lights them with a movement of one of his hands and walks over to the tent. As he pushes his head through the entrance, he sees, slightly amused, that Xayah is sitting quietly on her sleeping bag, eyes closed and mouth a little bit open. For a short moment he considers that she fell asleep while still sitting. 

Carefully he climbs into the tent, sits down next to her and puts a hand on her shoulder. Startled, she comes back out of her thoughts, looking at him with widened eyes. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you," he whispers softly, breathing a kiss on her forehead. She smiles slightly, her fingers moving down to her legs and she begins to take off the leg wraps. 

She pauses for a moment, her eyes threatening to close again. "You look exhausted," murmurs Rakan, his fingers begin to nestle on the leg wraps on the other side and unwind them. Hesitantly she nods, fighting against the urge to yawn. "Will you tell me the rest of the story?" she asks quietly, her gaze turned to the ground before she bites her lower lip. 

Timidly, he nods to her as he takes off his pants and forms a cozy pair of sleeping pants out of magic. 

**"A ray of hope had crept into her life, and no matter how much the girl struggled against it, at some point a spark of hope leapt over to her. The boy, her ray of hope, had decided to help her out of her hiding place, bringing her joy and laughter back into her life and making her happy.**

**He didn't know whether it would be just one night or a hundred years, but soon the boy realized that the girl also wanted to be free. So he chose to reach out his hand to her so she could access it when she was ready. And at some point, one rainy night, she was ready.**

**A terrible nightmare had struck her and once again turned her world upside down, caused her to panic, but when the boy took her in his strong arms, the girl knew that everything would be okay, that she would be safe. So she told him everything, that she was attacked and what the strangers had done to her. And after a few words, the boy understood that it wasn't her memories which haunted her, it was her own thoughts which tormented her.**

**She blames herself for what was done to her. Again and again the boy told her that it wasn't her fault and at some point the girl was finally ready to trust his words and the weight on her shoulders fell off and her icy heart melted completely".**

For a brief moment he was silent before his gaze was turned to Xayah. Heavy tears run down her cheeks and her lower lip trembles. Lovingly, he puts his hands around her face, making her look directly at him. 

"You can't help what happened to you. It wasn't your fault. I know you still blame yourself," he whispers softly, looking deep into her eyes. "But it was my fault... I didn't defended myself..." Her voice is nothing more than a choked sob, his hands let go of her face, sliding to her waist and directing her into a lying position. With his fingers he strokes her back, humming softly.

"It wasn't your fault... no matter how much you tell yourself it was, you can' t be blamed for what happened."


	5. Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ATTENTION
> 
> This chapter contains extreme violence and other situations which might not suit everyone. Please pay attention to the tags!

  
When they arrive the next day at the town border of Vlonqo, Anice already beckons them from a distance, a broad grin on her face. Xayah nods her head slightly in her direction, suggesting to Rakan that they have to change direction without drawing much attention to themselves. "There you are!" Anice smiles at them broadly, her head tilted to the side, playing with one of her long floppy ears. "We didn't expected you yet."

Surprised, Rakan raises an eyebrow, looking at her irritated. "If you haven't expected us yet, what are you doing here?" Curious Xayah looks at her too, causing the Ranyu to shrug her shoulders. "We set up our camp about two kilometers to the east, there is a clearing in the forest and not too far away is a small lake with fresh water where we get enough drinkable water for now. We thought it would be better than in Vlonqo, there are currently many more humans than in the previous years". For a short moment she looks in the direction of the town border before she turns back to her friends. 

"There are incredibly many soldiers from Noxus nearby. It's almost a plague," she mumbles, clacking her tongue as her eyes darken. For a fraction of a second, Xayah flinches, her eyes also turn towards the town border, and a light, uneasy feeling spreads inside her. 

"Noxii?" She swallows and Anice nods slowly to her while Rakan puts his arm around her protectively. "I'm glad you came early, we really have a lot to talk about. Most of the others are already here. The only ones still missing are Sarandar, Kira, Cyjana and Teo. They were supposed to arrive 3 days ago, but they sent a courier and told us that they missed the boat and will arrive 4 days late, so tomorrow."

Understandingly Xayah nods, biting her lower lip as a figure slowly approaches them. Reflexively she conjures up three of her feather daggers, which dissolve into particles of wild magic when she realizes that it' s just Blaan. Already from a distance he gives them a broad smile as his steps accelerate and he joins them. 

"You are early," he laughs, winking at them. 

Grinning, Rakan winks at him, his arms around Xayah's waist. "We missed you," he laughs softly, also receiving a laugh from Blaan. "We should get back to the camp, I was just restocking our supplies slightly." With a movement of his head, he nods to the goods in his arms before they come to his aid and take a whole lot from him. "Then we can sort out the urgent matters today and tomorrow we will inform the other four." Anice nods in response to Blaan's words as they walk deeper into the forest.

When they reach the camp after some time, they are welcomed in surprise - but quite relieved. Shona happily hugs them and laughs with relief. "You have arrived safely!" 

"Of course", laughs Rakan before he grins at them. "You know I will make sure that no one will harm my little raven." Grinning, he moves his eyebrows slightly and Xayah answers with a distinct eye roll, causing the others to burst into loud laughter. Cheerfully Shona puts a hand on her shoulder. "We really missed you."

  
~ * ~

  
Slowly Xayah unfolds their sleeping bags inside their tent, placing their backpacks in a corner and letting herself fall lengthwise onto her sleeping bag. Some time later, when Rakan heads through the tent entrance, he can't suppress a broad smile as he climbs into the tent towards her. She stretches herself extensively while her eyes are fixed on him. "Someone's having a good time," he laughs cheerfully, sitting down next to her and putting a hand on one of her thighs. 

Without saying anything, she nods to him, also smiling. A moment later he rests on her side, his hand reaching up her thigh to her belly, before his fingers move in gentle, circular movements over her belly and a satisfied smile flits over her lips. 

Slowly she turns her head in his direction, looking deep into his eyes. "Hey babe, there's something I need to talk to you" she whispers softly as a slight blush spreads across her cheeks. Gently he takes her hand in his, before he kisses the knuckles of it tenderly. "I already know it," he murmurs into the back of her hand, breathing more kisses on her skin. 

Surprised, she straightens up a little, leaning on her elbows. Her eyes widen and she bites her lower lip. "You... you already know?" He looks at her in surprise, slowly nodding. "Of course. Since your new cycle has settled, you've always been in Heat at the beginning of the year and early autumn, but this time you're not. We could set the clock to the time, there were never any variations. This can just mean that you're pregnant again," he smiles, looking at her lovingly and giving her a tender kiss on the lips. 

When their lips separate again, she nervously bites her lower lip, looking shyly at him. "And... ...are you happy?" Her voice is little more than a whisper and she turns her gaze away from him. Surprised, he puts his hand under her chin, forcing her to look at him again. "Of course I'm happy, there's no question about it," he laughs cheerfully, before closing her in a firm embrace and gently stroking her through the plumage. A relieved and happy chirping escapes her lips, which causes him to press her even tighter. 

  
~ * ~

  
Shona looks soothingly at her, pressing Aidan to her chest as she slowly nods. "As far as we know, there have been increased sightings of Noxian soldiers in the larger cities. They seem to be friendly." She looks seriously at her friend, receiving a nod in response. 

" For now."

Anice straightens up, poking a rod into the fire to prevent it from extinguishing. "As far as we know, there aren't many more of us missing than usual, so this doesn't seem to have anything to do with Noxus' invasion of our lands." For a moment, Blaan pauses, looking from one to the other. "You said some of them were in Vlonqo as well. Have you heard anything that might explain why they are here?" Xayah looks at him seriously, but from the others comes just a slight toss. 

"It can' t be that bad, I mean, they' re just humans. We've dealt with worse." Grinning, Rakan looks from one to the other, reaching for a bottle of wine. "We shouldn't worry about these things so much. Life is too short for something like that, let's enjoy it while we still can." Xayah is silent for a moment before she sighs with resignation and looks at him intently. "Rakan! This is important. We can still enjoy ourselves afterwards," she sighs annoyed, her arms crossed in front of her chest. 

"Oh Babe," he laughs softly, pressing a kiss on her cheek and dragging her close to him. "So, has anyone noticed something? Did any humans come near the camp?" She looks nervously from one to the other, but the others just shake their heads. Slowly she nods, biting her lower lip. 

"Good... good... we should set up lookouts at night, go on patrol and come wake us up in case of emergency. I don't like that there are so many Noxii in Ionia. They are dangerous and I don't even want to imagine what they will do if they find a camp full of Vastaya." A cold shiver runs down her back and some small feathers in her neck and on her back rise from the ground. 

"You don't need to worry, I'm with you," Rakan whispers softly into her ear, breathing a gentle kiss on the back of her head. "That's good," she smiles slightly, but the uncomfortable feeling doesn't ease at all.   
"We will take the first watch tonight." She unfolds the map she has in front of her and draws lines around her camp with her finger, showing the others which route to take during the watch. 

She points her head upwards, giving him an apologetic look. "I would like you to drink wine after the guard. If anything should happen, even if I hope that everything goes well, I want you to be fully conscious." He smiles slightly, rubbing his nose against her ear. 

"Your wish is my command." 

Together, they sit around the fire, discussing the situations in each area, while Xayah worriedly notes that Noxii have been observed in almost every place. For a brief moment, she frowns and closes her eyes, while Rakan looks at her from the side. "Miella? Is everything alright?" For a brief second, she recoils in shock before nodding tentatively. 

"It's just... weren't there Noxii with us? Down the alley... They were arguing about something, but I was too distracted to listen." She bites her lower lip as he looks at her in surprise, nodding slightly. "Yes, there were people down there, but I'm not sure if they were Noxii. They could have been normal traders. You don't need to worry, everything is okay. We'll just keep an eye on the situation and if anything seems strange, we'll take care of it." He smiles at her, gently stroking her hair before he reaches for a skewer with some pieces of meat, holding it towards her. 

"You have to eat something and you shouldn't stress yourself like this," he whispers, pressing his face into her neck. "I'm not hungry," she laughs softly, bending forward a little and staring into the fire. "You need to eat something, honey, you need strength." Hesitantly, she grabs the piece of meat he is holding out for her and puts it listlessly into her mouth. "But just because it's you," she whispers, looking at him from the side with a slight smile. 

"Remember, you have to eat more than usual, you're eating for two," he mumbles softly, breathing gentle kisses in her ear. Surprised, Anice looks up, her eyes glowing with excitement. "Really?! I'm so happy for you," she laughs out loud, running over to the two of them and closing them tightly in her arms. Surprised, the others look at them, while Rakan gently strokes the back of his head and Xayah scratches her cheek shyly, while they take on a slight red tone. "We weren't going to make it official yet," Xayah whispers before she looks up and moves from one to the other, before her eyes rest on Rakan. 

Gently she takes his hand in hers, a satisfied smile on her lips. "Do you want to tell them?" her voice is little more than a whisper, and he looks at her in a good mood, nodding slightly before his gaze glides around and he grins as broadly as if his face were split in two. "We got a second chance... Xayah is pregnant!"

For a short moment it' s quiet, before one after the other jumps up and closes the two in a firm embrace. "I'm so happy for you", Shona whispers with a broad smile before she returns to Blaan and sits smiling next to him, Aidan on her lap. Allie looks at the two of them with a big grin. "I told you not to lose hope. You deserve to be happy." Merrily she grabs a root from the fire and bites into it. 

As night falls and the others retire to their tents, Rakan grabs her hand, drawing her over to the nearby trees. Laughing, they follow the path she has marked on the map and Rakan tells her a story gesturing. From the side she smiles at him, placing a hand on his arm. "Please be quiet Babe, if someone is around, he can hear you", she whispers, nestling close to him. 

He laughs out loud for a moment, shaking his head and looking around. They are already further away from the camp than they wanted to be, but it doesn't bother them much, the more they check around the camp for safety, the better it is. "There is no one here, the only one who can hear and see us is the moon and his stars," he grins happily, holding her close and kissing her tenderly.

Smiling, she moves her head and walks a few steps ahead, while Rakan follows her laughing loudly. "You are terrible," she laughs softly and freezes as she hears a worrisome click behind her. "What do we have here? You better don't do anything stupid, or we'll blow your heads off." She swallows and she feels her heart racing in her chest. "Turn around, nice and slow. Even dirty animals like you should understand that." The voice is cold and for a moment her heart sinks down to her belly. As she slowly turns to the human, who holds a pistol to their heads, she glances over to Rakan. 

The smile on his face is frozen and he looks with a mixture of disgust and hatred at the human who threatens them both. "What do you want," Xayah hisses, anger clearly visible in her eyes, while her hands clench into fists. Her eyes wander from one to the other, frustrated to discover that there are five Noxii at once. They wouldn't have been much of a problem if they had heard them earlier and not been surprised at their presence. 

Her eyes move to the weapons pointed at them by the leader of the group, who grins coldly at them. "We followed your voices, his voice could hardly be overheard. We thought we might find a pretty girl to have fun with, but it looks like today is our lucky day. We haven't seen feathers like that in a long time, they'll be worth a lot of money." He nods to his companions, who split up and grab the two roughly by the arms. One of the men also unlocks his pistol, it isn't as elaborately decorated as the other man's two, but Rakan has no doubt that it will serve its purpose when the man presses the barrel against his temple. 

The other two grab Xayah roughly by the arms, while the other aims his barrel directly at her face."If one of you tries any foolish tricks or struggles, you are both dead. Understand?" One of the men roughly presses her cheeks with his fingers, a cold and nasty grin covers his face and lets the blood freeze in her veins. Her heart beats faster and her hands begin to sweat. 

She knows this look, knows exactly what is coming next. Panic can be seen in her eyes as she looks over to Rakan seeking help, knowing that he can' t help her, that she can' t defend herself. Roughly one of them pushes her to the ground. He says something, laughs, but she can't understand his words, the sounds around her fade into a wordless roar as she clenches her teeth and prepares for the inevitable. 

Helplessly, Rakan has to watch what they do to her, assault her. He clenches his eyes and teeth, turning his head away, can' t stand it. But even if he averts his eyes and doesn't see it, he feels her fear, her panic, the pain she feels, every feeling and emotion that plagues her body and mind, he can feel it through the bond that connects them, he can hear it in the changes of her song. Wordless tears run down his face.

Her painful scream breaks through the night and tears Rakan back to reality, his head rushes in the direction in which these bastards take advantage of his wife and enjoy her pain. Within a heartbeat he tears himself loose, using the fact that his guards are distracted by her scream. He grabs their heads and beats them up with a quick movement before letting them go to the ground, and one breath later standing next to the man who has his gun pointed at Xayah and who is staring at him with widened eyes, completely taken by surprise. 

With a quick movement Rakan breaks his neck, letting the lifeless body fall to the ground as well. Breathing heavily, he looks over at Xayah, who has summoned one of her featherdaggers in the turmoil and thrusts it into the body of the man who has caused her all this suffering. Shocked, the remaining one retreats, holding his hands in the air in front of him, while Rakan approaches him threateningly. Without saying anything, he grabs him as well, tears him from his feet and looks at him with burning eyes. "How dare you take advantage of my wife?! How dare you cause her pain?! You disgusting, inferior creatures! And I' ve been saying good things about your kind for years? Protected you and entertained you?! I should have listened to her and just killed you!" His voice sounds threatening as he snaps at the last man before hurling him to a nearby tree trunk where he remains motionless. 

Snorting with rage, Rakan walks over to the others, checking if the men are really dead. He gasps satisfied before he hurries over to Xayah, who lays trembling in the grass, eyes fixed on the moon. Several strands of her hair have fallen off her braid, and her dress is torn in some places. Carefully he lifts her up, closing her in a tight embrace, but she remains limply in his arms, close to hyperventilating. 

"Shall I carry you," he whispers softly, but she just shakes her head. "I'm fine," she mumbles softly, her eyes staring straight ahead. He stops, placing his hands gently on her shoulders. " I' m so sorry... I should have protected you, should have prevented it... Are you in much pain?"

She looks at him blankly, still trembling all over her body. " I' m fine... I'm fine... I'm fine..." Her voice is hardly more than a whisper, shaky and choppy, while she mumbles the same words over and over again. The moon already disappears when they finally reach the camp, unfortunately the others are already gathered around the fire when they arrive. Worried faces look at them while Xayah staggers past them without a word or a single glance and disappears into their tent. 

Worried, the others look at Rakan, who shakes his head slowly. "On the next watch, there aren't just two, there' four." His voice is serious as he looks sadly at the fire. "What happened? We heard a scream." Shona looks at him worriedly, causing his shoulders to drop. "We were attacked. Five Noxii attacked us and they did terrible things to her. I couldn't do anything until they were distracted by her scream." 

His look moves over to the tent, while his thoughts keep turning to what they experienced, to the words the leader said. They followed them, lured by his voice. He had been too loud, didn't took the situation seriously enough. He closes his eyes, clenches his hands and teeth. That the Noxii found them is his fault and so is what they did to her. 

'This will never happen again...', it comes through his mind before he steps to the tent, leaving the terrified faces behind and joining his soul mate, hoping that he can somehow ease her pain.


	6. Fear

  
When Rakan climbs through the entrance of the tent, Xayah is already resting on her sleeping bag, her knees drawn to her body and her arms wrapped around her. She buried her face in her pillow. A deep pain runs through his heart, he sits down next to her hesitantly, his eyes brush her wing, the feathers hang off and are spread all over the floor. 

Carefully he puts a hand on her arm, causing her to wince and whimper quietly. Frightened, he withdraws from her and presses his lips to a thin line. He lies down on his sleeping bag, close enough that she feels his presence, knows that she isn't alone, but far enough that she feels no fear, resisting the urge to touch her again.

"I' m so incredibly sorry," he whispers, struggling with tears. Silence, she doesn't answer, doesn't move. He swallows, closing his eyes. "If you need anything, please tell me," he mumbles softly, not averting his eyes from her trembling spine. A soft whimper can be heard, immediately making him straighten up and move a little towards her. "I couldn't understand you, darling," he whispers softly, still keeping some distance from her. Again the whimpering, he frowns, not sure if he could understand the single word correctly. " You want some water? Did I get that right?" She nods without saying another word.

Slowly he climbs out of the tent, taking a last look at her before closing the entrance and getting up. As soon as he has left the tent he feels a hand on his shoulder and is dragged aside the next moment, out of earshot of the tent. Blaan looks at him worried, his forehead slightly wrinkled. With fast steps Shona runs over to them. "How is she?" 

For a moment Rakan is silent, his gaze wandering back to the tent. "I think she is suffering terribly, very terribly. She is in shock and doesn't speak... except half-mumbled words. I will get her some water." He stares at the ground, placing his hand slowly on Shona's shoulder. "I'd like to ask you to keep an eye on her while I'm gone..." His voice breaks off as Shona nods encouragingly to him. "It's going to be all right, she's strong," she tries to comfort him, getting a light nod from him. 

Without saying another word, Rakan turns around, walking towards the lake, while Blaan looks at him for a short moment, grabs a canteen and runs after him. "You're not exactly in great condition yourself." He puts a hand on his friend's shoulder, looking at him seriously. "You want to fetch water without even having a bottle with you." His voice takes on a softer tone, a sad smile spreads over Blaan's lips. "It's terrible what happened, yes. But you have to be strong now, you understand? For her. She needs you, do you understand?" 

Rakan's shoulders sink, as does his ears, slowly turning around, looking at him sadly as he struggles with tears. "This is all my fault. I should have protected her, but instead..." He breaks off, tears run down his cheeks and his hands clench into fists. The pressure on his shoulder increases and he looks up, looking his friend straight in the eyes. 

"It's not your fault. You can't protect her from everything, but you can help her deal with the situation, show her that she isn't alone." Slowly he shakes his head, staring at the ground again. "It's my fault. She told me to be quieter, but I didn't took it seriously, ignored her words and didn't took the whole situation seriously enough. Until we heard the sound of the gun locking." Slowly he looks back at Blaan as more tears run down his face. "The leader of the group said they followed our voices, mainly mine, because I was so loud. If I had listened to her... if I had took it all more seriously... then this wouldn't have happened..."

He sinks to his knees, his face buried in his hands. He looks up as he feels a hand on his shoulder, looking into Blaan's serious face. " Look, Rakan, listen to me carefully now. You can' t change what happened, and you can' t undo all of it. But you can' t lose yourself in self-pity now! Xayah needs you now, more than ever before, even if she doesn't tell or show you. You have to be there for her, show her that she isn't alone. And you have to stop blaming yourself, that doesn't help any of you. If you want to gain something from the situation, then do it, but don't let it be guilt. Learn from your mistake and don't repeat it." 

Rakan nods slowly, wiping the back of his hand across his face, before he stands up again and follows Blaan towards the lake. "Thank you..." he mumbles quietly, turning his head to the ground. 

When they arrive back at the camp, he nods to Shona briefly before he disappears into the tent with the water bottle. To his surprise he notices that Xayah has fallen asleep in the meantime, her ears and facial features twitching as she restlessly tosses herself from side to side. Carefully he gets closer to her, gently placing a blanket over her, before he places the canteen full of water next to her pillow and lies down at a short distance from her. 

It doesn't take long and he falls asleep, too. 

  
~ * ~

  
Furiously Anice stomps around the fire, looking from one to the other. In the meantime, the remaining four have also arrived at the camp and they sit together around the fire, except Anice, who nervously walks up and down and Blaan. He stands behind his wife, looking seriously into the fire. 

"Damn Noxii," curses Anice, spitting on the ground, face turned into a grimace. With gloomy eyes she looks from one to the other. "After the incident, Rakan had given the order that four of us should keep watch from now on. Would that have changed anything?" Shona looks into the fire, holding Aidan in her arms and stroking him lovingly over the back of his head. 

For a moment the Ranyu pauses, looking at her friend in surprise, before she slowly nods. "I think so. Rakan said there were five of them, they killed all five together, but they were surprised. Otherwise it probably wouldn't have come to this." She clacks her tongue, her eyes darken again and she stares into the flickering flames. "I volunteer for the guard today," she then adds quietly, looking at the others. "I'm coming with you," Kira announces herself immediately, followed by Cyjana. 

Anice hesitates briefly, then shakes her head. "We don't know exactly what happened when the two were attacked, Rakan just said it was terrible. I would feel better if you stayed at the camp until we know that Xayah has recovered." Kira nods briefly before she stands up with a slight smile. "I'll go check on my patient," she smiles weakly, walking over to the tent.

"Kira, wait! Let one of them come towards you, okay? Don't force yourself on them, it might make things worse for them." Teo gives her a serious look and the young Vastaya nods, returning to the fire.

  
~ * ~

  
The night has already fallen when Rakan is torn from his sleep. Next to him Xayah throws herself restlessly around while tears run down her face. For a moment he freezes and his heart cramps as he slides closer to her and clasps her tightly in his arms, stroking her back with his hand to calm her. 

Her fingers cramp in his plumage and she presses herself against him sobbing, her whole body shaking. Lovingly he strokes her hair, pressing her tenderly with the other arm, giving her a feeling of security. When she wakes up completely from her sleep, she freezes, whimpering softly, before she presses herself closer to him and breaks out into loud sobbing. 

"Miella," he whispers softly, stroking her through her hair soothingly while she clings to him like a drowning person to a piece of driftwood. "Let it out, tell me how you feel, how I can help you. You're not alone, honey, I'm with you, I'll always be with you," he mumbles into her hair as he presses his face into her neck. 

Silently she sobs again, her lower lip trembles, but her grip loosens and her teary eyes slowly focus on his. "I can't stand it, Rakan, I can't stand it all anymore. Not again. It hurts so much... It hurts so damn much..." Her sobbing gets stronger as he draws light circular strokes with his fingers over her skin, humming softly for her. 

"I'm lost," she mumbles softly, barely audible, as more tears run down her face. Carefully, Rakan puts his hand under her chin, leading her to look at him. A sad smile is on his lips and he shakes his head slightly. " You aren't, honey. You aren't lost and you never will be." 

He is silent for a moment before he drags her onto his lap and wraps his wing around her protectively, gently cradling her in his arms. "I'm so sorry, Miella, it's all my fault. I lured them... I failed to protect you... I'm so incredibly sorry." A single tear runs down his cheek, dripping down her neck. She looks up in surprise, wiping away his tear with her thumb.

"Darling, I would forgive you everything, don't you know that? I love you more than anything else in the world. But I can't forgive you anything that's not your fault." She smiles sadly, her eyes turned away from him. "Let's just end this whole thing, okay?" She bites her lower lip and puts her hands around her wrists, nails pressing into her soft flesh, not noticing the blood flowing from under her nails. 

"I would like to take a bath," she mumbles softly, closing her eyes. "I have to try to wash away the feeling," she whispers softly, receiving a slight nod from him as he slowly lets go of her and takes out some pieces of soap and towels from his backpack. 

"And Rakan..." Her voice is so quiet that he can barely hear her, but his eyes are fixed on her. "What is it, Miella?" She bites her lower lip harder, tasting blood before she looks at him uncertainly. "Please... don't leave me..."

Surprised, he looks at her, struggling for words. "What? Why should I leave you?!" She stares at her fingers, evading his eyes. "Because of what happened..." Without saying anything, he takes her in his arms, receiving a soft whimper from her, while he strokes her back with his arm, trying to calm her down. "I would never leave you, never. Do you understand that? Because of nothing and no one, and especially not because of something like that! I will take better care of you, I will protect you more, I will make sure that nothing like last night will ever, ever happen again. I promise you this," he whispers softly into her ear, pressing her firmly against him before he leads her out of the tent, towards the lake.


	7. Further away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think we have reached the point where this warning at the beginning of a chapter has almost become a standard.
> 
> This chapter contains topics that aren't suitable for everyone, please pay attention to the tags!

  
With her eyes turned to the ground, she is standing at the lake, her arms wrapped around her shoulders trembling, while Rakan already stands in the water up to his thighs, reaching out his hand to her when he realizes that she still hasn't undressed. Attentively he looks at Xayah and for a moment his heart contracts painfully, her discomfort clearly visible. 

He takes a step towards her, approaching the edge of the lake again. Her ears twitch once the water moves, she raises her head and looks in panic towards him. "Xayah?" His soft voice tears her from her thoughts and surrounds her like a warm, comforting blanket. She smiles weakly as she slowly and with lots of effort takes off her dress and steps hesitantly to the edge of the lake. 

Again he reaches his hand to her, which she simply stares at for a small infinity, before she slowly places her hand in his and steps into the water with him. Gently he looks down on her, leading her further into the lake and humming reassuringly for her. "It's all right, honey. I'm with you, nothing can hurt you," he murmurs soothingly to her, whereupon she presses his hand a little tighter. 

A bright smile flits across his lips and he looks lovingly into her eyes, raising his hand to her cheek, but before he touches her, Xayah presses her eyes firmly together, whimpering quietly. He can literally feel her fear, knowing that he can barely do anything to ease her pain. It breaks his heart that he can' t help her. 

"I'll be right back for you," he whispers, his voice sweet as honey. 

He reaches for a small flacon of lavender oil, which he has placed between the cloths and soaps on the shore, just like a washcloth, then opens the cork and pours a little of the liquid into the palm of his hand, before he puts the cork back on the bottle and throws it onto the cloths. 

He approaches her, pouring oil into the water around her and looking gently into her eyes. "Don't worry, you'll feel better soon. I' m with you and will never leave your side." Tenderly he puts his hand on her shoulder and strokes his fingers over her entire back, spreading the oil from the palm of his hand on her skin. 

Her muscles tense up under his touch and she begins to whimper again as he talks soothingly to her before the calming influence of lavender takes effect. Relieved, he sees her begin to relax as she steps further into the water and sits down on a small rock, looking at him with a timid smile. 

'I can't go through this again. I can't make it ...' A single tear runs down her cheek, which Rakan immediately wipes away. "Shall I tell you a story?" She nods slowly as she accepts the washcloth he hands her and rubs roughly over her skin without feeling even a little cleaner. 

Without thinking about it further, she increases the pressure on her skin, without success. She sighs with resignation, completely submerging her head, hoping to drown the thoughts that threaten to drag her into the depths, and for a moment it seems as if she succeeds, but as soon as her head breaks through the surface of the water again, her negative feelings and thoughts crash back down on her.

Trembling she stops, her arms wrapped around her upper body and breathing heavily. She is scared and almost loses her balance when a gentle hand rests on her shoulder. She tries to give him a smile, but nothing but a grimace is visible on her face. 

" I' m with you," he whispers softly.

  
~ * ~

_**"Scream! Now! Or shall I give you another reason?"** Cold laughter, she is forced into a corner like an animal. No chance, no way to escape. _

_She is pressed to the ground, face down on the stone floor, the smell of stale water, rotting leaves and excrement reaches her nose, leaves her choking. The clicking of a pistol can be heard and the scenery changes._

_**"If one of you tries any foolish tricks or struggles, you are both dead. Understand?"** _

_The hard stone floor turns to green grass, the strong smell of stale water mixed with excrement changes to the strong, unmistakable smell of evergreen and conifers covering soft moss. But the pressure on her body remains the same, as does the fear and the knowledge of being helplessly at the mercy of others._

_A sharp pain penetrates her body, a silent scream comes from her lips_ as she awakens from her nightmare, breathing heavily, sobbing and bathed in sweat, while her thoughts still center around what she experienced in her dream. She frees herself from her sleeping bag, trying not to wake Rakan before she bursts out of the tent and runs towards the lake. 

Her skin burns and she feels the panic rising more intensely with every heartbeat, while hot and cold showers chase through her body at the same time and she can hear the voices of her attackers, mixed together and still as threatening as they were in the past. 

She takes a deep breath, but the air causes even more anxiety, threatening to hyperventilate, while she staggers rather than runs towards the lake. She stumbles, falls to the ground, the smell of moss and pine needles surrounds her, makes her sob loudly. She crawls to one of the nearby trees, leaning against the trunk, her head pressed between her knees, before she collapses sobbing loudly, still hearing the voices of her attackers in her head.

"Shut up! Leave me alone! You got what you wanted, now leave me in peace," she sobs loudly, rocking back and forth as the voices in her head get louder by the minute. "Go away! Be quiet!" She abruptly moves her head backwards, against the tree trunk, a dull pain spreads in her head, covering everything else for a brief moment before the voices come back.

Desperately she turns to the tree, beating her forehead against the trunk, first once, twice, then again and again, while desperate tears run down her face. "I said shut up! Leave me in peace at last..." Once more she bangs her head against the rough bark, but again the pain can only silence the voices in her head for a short moment. 

Just as she wants to beat her head again, she feels two strong arms protectively around her, she shrugs in shock, whimpering softly. "Miella...", he mumbles, stroking the back of her head while he presses her head against his chest. "You are bleeding," he whispers softly, his voice trembling, as is Xayah's body. With shivering fingers he lays one of his healing feathers on the wound on her forehead, knowing that although he can heal the facial wound, the deep wounds in her soul can' t be healed with magic.

"I can't go on," she mumbles sobbing into his chest as he tenderly strokes her back. 'I don't want to anymore... I wish... I would be dead...'

  
~ * ~

"You don't understand it... can' t understand it..." She looks down, biting her lower lip, tears running down her cheeks. "I can't do this anymore. I can't do this again. I can't stand it, do you understand, Rakan?! I can't take it anymore!" She sobs loudly, her arms resting on her clenched knees while her wing wrap around her legs, suggesting a hint of protection while her head rests on her arms, ears pointing down. 

Gentle arms close around her, taking her in a firm, caring embrace, while Rakan hums soothingly to her, putting his wing around her. "You're right, Miella, I don't understand. And I will never understand how you feel about it, but I' m with you and I will never leave your side no matter what happens. I listen to you when you want to talk about it, wipe away your tears when it gets too much for you and hold you in my arms when you feel lost and alone. I will stay with you forever." Lovingly he strokes over her hood and down to her ear. "Tell me how you are, what makes you suffer. Tell me how you feel since... since that day."

She slowly straightens her head, turning her head to him. Again her lower lip begins to tremble before she turns completely in his direction and throws herself trembling into his arms. " It' s as if ...my soul had shattered into many little pieces, as if it would be a mirror that had got shattered as... they attacked us. Like a mirror which is already broken, though you have repaired it, but the traces are still visible, do you understand what I mean? And when I try to put the shards back together, to find back to myself, I cut on them and bleed even more than I did before." 

Timidly she turns her face away, staring at her fingernails. "Too small to matter, but big enough to cut me into infinitely many little pieces when I try to touch them". Her voice resembles a whisper and Rakan needs a moment to realize and process her words. His arms close tighter around her and he strokes her back comforting. 

"Miella... even if you don't manage to put these shards back together now, we'll work it out, we'll make sure that-"

"Rakan", she interrupts him, slowly shaking her head. "I... I don't want to anymore. Do you understand? I can't go through all this again, it took an incredible effort from me the last time and to know that I have failed again... that I haven't fought back again..." She breaks off, tears run down her cheeks again, while Rakan looks down on her in horror. 

"Xayah, you couldn't fight back, not then and not this time! You know that as well as I do! I should have protected you, but I failed. As your partner and your mate." He remains silent, closing his eyes before he holds her again. "I should have protected you no matter what. I'm so incredibly sorry, so, so sorry. I hope that someday you can forgive me."

"If you had tried to stop them, they would have killed us," she whispers quietly, stroking his back before she slowly separates from him. "There was nothing you could do, Mieli. It' s not your fault. But I should have defended myself, should have fight back..." 

"They would have killed you if you had tried."

She glances at him for a moment before lowering her shoulders, biting her lower lip briefly. "They did so without me fighting back. I have died, inside. I feel nothing ... and with each passing day I just want to die." Her voice is soft, barely more than a whisper, and yet Rakan understood every word. He looks at her horrified, his eyes widened, his muscles tense up. „W... What?"

Apologetically she looks into his eyes, while more tears form in her eyes and her lower lip begins to tremble. "I don't want this anymore, Mieli. I'm sorry, really. But I just can't live like this anymore... I just don't want to. I just can't. I don't expect you to understand or approve, I just expect you to accept it. And that you will be happy again, find a new wife, start a new life." 

Horrified, he shakes his head, holding her away from him and looking deep into her eyes, while his fingernails drill into her shoulders, warm blood pouring out from underneath them without a single expression on her face. "I won't," he whispers, the pain now clearly visible in his eyes. "If you really can't go on, and say that there is no other way for you anymore, that you can find peace only if you cross over into the other world, then I accept that and will go with you." 

Her eyes widen, she shakes her head vehemently. "No, that' s not possible! It wouldn't be fair if you killed yourself because of me!"

A light smile covers his lips and he gently strokes her cheek, sliding his thumb along her Clantattoo. "If you don't want to live anymore, then I accept that. But I also expect you to accept that I don't want to live without you. You are my soul mate and I can' t imagine a life without you and I don' t want to. We have promised each other to stay together forever and a day, in good and bad times, and I hold on to this promise. If you want to take this step, then we will do it together. As a married couple. As soul mates."

Once again she sobs before she throws herself against his chest and collapses sobbing. "I can't do this, Rakan. Please, I can't do it. Don't force me, please. I don't want to live anymore, but I don't want you to kill yourself because of me!" 

Gently he moves her onto her back while he reaches for the flask of lavender oil with one hand and opens it with practiced fingers, dribbling a little of it onto his fingers, rubbing it on her neck and throat while gently cradling her in his arms.

"And I don't want to live without you anymore," he whispers, giving her a gentle kiss on the forehead. " Relax, sleep over everything, and always remember, I am with you, I will never leave you alone. I will protect you. I promise."


	8. Where will you go

  
When Xayah awakes the next morning she is surrounded by a strong, flowery smell and for the first time in a while she feels truly refreshed, almost relaxed. Slowly she straightens up, brushing through her hair with her hand while she looks around sleepily. With a broad smile he looks into her eyes, his head resting on his hand. 

"How did you sleep, Miella?" For a brief moment she tense up, his soft voice leaving her shuddering before she slowly shakes her head and gives him the same smile. "As good as I haven't in a long time," she whispers, letting herself fall back onto her sleeping bag. 

Slowly, Rakan straightens up a little further, bending slightly over her without coming too close to her. "Which doesn't really mean that you slept well," he mumbles, resisting the urge to bend down and kiss her.

She smiles slightly, reaching out her hand to his cheek and stroking his cheekbone lovingly with her thumb. "I slept well, _Mieli_. For the first time since..." She closes her eyes before she looks at him seriously. "Since the rape." She bites her lower lip, not averting her eyes from him. They slowly straighten up, never taking their eyes off each other. 

Without thinking about it, he slides closer to her, puts his arms firmly around her and gently strokes her back. Once more she shrugs, whimpering softly. "I'll protect you," he whispers softly, clasping her arms tighter, while another whimper emerges from her. 

"I wish I could just run away...", she whispers softly, closing her eyes. " Just run away beyond belief, away from everyone and everything, away from the pitiful looks, the tense silence when I step to the others, the memories and feelings of guilt...". 

Slowly he detaches himself from her, looking at her with a sad smile and shaking his head. "I can see that you' re afraid. That you think all of this is your fault and that the others would consider you weak because of it. But I know who you really are, Xayah, I know you better than I know myself and I can see behind the facade you are trying to maintain. I know that you allow yourself to release your sadness and despair at night, that you let your emotions run free and cry when you think you' re alone. But you aren't alone, do you understand that? I' m at your side, now and forever, I love and protect you, even if you don't want me to." He smiles lovingly at her, gently stroking his thumb over her Clantattoo, while a playful laugh escapes his lips. "You can' t escape from me. And you don't want to escape me either."

With tears in her eyes she stares at him, her lower lip trembling, while his look becomes more serious again. "You aren't on your own anymore, not for a long time. You don't and will never again travel alone through the world, no matter what happens. You can' t change what these monsters have done, but you shouldn' t lose your trust because of it. Neither in yourself, nor in others. You can' t reject everyone because of what they did to you, no matter how scared you are. We all have a free will and are responsible for our own behaviour, you can' t blame yourself for something that humans have done to you just because you couldn't defend yourself.". 

Again his arms close around her, pressing her tightly against his chest while tears run down her cheeks. "You can' t escape the truth, _Miella_. It wasn't your fault, no matter how much you tell it to yourself, _it wasn't your fault_. You couldn't have fought back, then or now, and it's not your fault they did this to you. These humans... no, these monsters chose to do it consciously, they chose to cause you this torture and it's not your fault that you couldn't defend yourself against them. If you had, they would have killed you. Instead, you endured it and showed strength. You have survived it all once before, you will survive it this time as well. I will be with you, never leave your side, no matter what."

Tenderly, he shoves her away slightly, placing his hand under her chin, while he looks her in the eyes, the smile disappearing for a moment from his face. " Just Xayah... don't let these monsters win. Don't let them be the reason why your smile disappears, okay? It's far too precious to lose to those monsters."

She nods slightly, giving him a timid smile. "Rakan?"

" Yeah?" He strokes her cheek lovingly once more.

"Just hold me, please."

  
~ * ~

Tenderly he leads her behind him, passing between the hanging branches and leaves of the willows on the shore, while they follow the small creek that leaves the lake and leads deeper into the forest. "Come here, darling," whispers Rakan, jumping on a stone in the middle of the water and reaching out his hand to her. With a soft laugh she reaches for him, jumping on the stone and for a moment Rakan's heart beats faster. For the first time since the attack, she laughs again, not the fake, simulated laughter that she used to make, but the honest, real laughter. 

She turns away from him, jumping to another stone, before looking over her shoulder and giving him a demanding look, just to jump to the next stone a short moment later. Grinning, he follows her as she jumps from one stone to another, he close behind her. 

When he has caught up to her shortly after, she turns to him laughing, a sparkle in her golden eyes, which he hasn't seen for so long and which he has missed incredibly. She grins broadly, in the next moment making a face. Surprised, he looks at her before his lips curl into a playful smile and he jumps over to her, arms tightly around her.

With a loud squeak they land together in the water, looking at each other for an endless moment before they break out into loud laughter. Tenderly, he puts his hand on her cheek, strokes it with his thumb and notes with satisfaction that she just flinches for a fraction of a second. "Miella," he whispers, looking deep into her eyes.

Without answering him, she also places her hand on his cheek before slowly moving towards him, not turning her eyes away from his. Time seems to stand still as their lips meet a moment later.

It' s not a passionate kiss, it' s gentle and loving, tender. It reflects all the emotions they have gone through in the last weeks. As their lips separate, a light smile flits across Xayah's lips and she brushes a strand of her hair back that has come loose from her braid, while Rakan strokes her cheek with the back of his hand, a relieved smile on his lips.

"I' m glad you' re back." Once again he breathes a kiss on her lips as he caresses her back tenderly. " Look, Rakan... I still have these thoughts. But I know you're right..." she mumbles, placing her head against his chest. 

"That's all that matters. You don't give up, you just keep going. We can do this together." 

~ * ~

  
The campfire is quietly crackling while the group sits silently around as they look at their plates. Hesitantly, Xayah looks at him from the side, receiving an encouraging smile and a brief nod in response. "How about some music?" she asks quietly into the round, tearing off a piece of her bread and shoving it into her mouth. 

Surprised, Anice looks up, one eyebrow raised, while she looks at Xayah in a judgmental manner before she nods. " I miss the singing and the good mood, it' s so quiet. It's like a funeral here. Oh no, even there the mood is better." She winks at her briefly, getting a broad smile from Anice, while she starts singing softly. 

Astonished, Shona moves up a step closer to her, putting an arm around Xayah's shoulder, while she looks her friend seriously in the eyes. " I guess you feel better, right?" Slowly she nods, a slight smile on her lips as she returns Shona's look.

" Somewhat, yes. But it's getting better. Rakan made it clear to me that I can't let myself be beaten down and especially not giving up." Slowly she nods, also smiling. "He's absolutely right." Blaan also smiles at her broadly, winking at her in an encouraging way, before a weight is thrown around her neck from behind. Surprised, she looks up, looking into Allie's smiling face. 

"Welcome back!"


	9. Freedom

  
With a timid smile they sit down with the others at the fire, looking from one to the other, while Shona, Blaan and Anice inform them about the current situation. Fortunately, the others didn't run into anyone during their patrol and the last days have been rather quiet, almost relaxing. 

Tenderly Rakan drags her towards him, gently stroking her back with his fingertips while she leans gently against him, closing her eyes. "I don't want to rush or anything, but what happens now?" Apologetically Allie looks at her, scratching her cheek with a fingernail, while she also sits down by the warming fire. 

Together they sit around the camp fire while the last members of the group find a seat and for a moment Xayah stares into the flames before she lifts her head and slowly turns her eyes from one to the other.  
"I know the last few days must have unsettled you," she begins, flinching slightly as Rakan's other hand wraps around hers. 

"And I am grateful for your patience with me. I will not tell you exactly what happened, but I will tell you today, here and now, that we were attacked. Noxii have invaded our forests and are upon us! They have scouted our home and are entering areas where they have no business. They take advantage of our hospitality, fortifying themselves on our scarce reserves, only to raise their weapons against us shortly afterwards and drive us out of our home!".

She straightens up, glancing in Rakan's direction in wonder for a moment as he hesitates and holds her hand, smiling tentatively and reluctantly lets go of her hand before she begins to walk up and down in front of the fire. 

"I know I' ve asked a lot of you in the past few years and yet I want you to be aware that everything that happens from today will change all of our lives forever. I' m not forcing any of you to join me, the things coming will be beyond anything that has ever happened before. War is coming, and whether we like it or not, it will be unavoidable, as it was then. Some of you will remember the war against Noxus, I didn't experience it myself, but I heard it was cruel. And it won't get any easier this time either, we have to prepare ourselves and brace ourselves for battle, or we can give in to them and give up our homes and our freedom.".

For a moment she is silent, looking at the others seriously, standing still before the fire. The dancing flames brighten her face and make her eyes burn, determination to read clearly in them.

" For all I know, I won't give in! I will fight, for our home, for Ionia! As long as there' s even a single one of you standing by my side, I won't succumb to a Noxian regime. And I hope you won't either. We don't fight for fame, prosperity or honor, we are fighting alone for our freedom and our future, which we will never give up! They can take our lifes, but never our freedom!"

She looks tense at the others while her chest rises and falls abruptly, pleased to note that the others nod softly mumbling, giving emphasis to her words and still seemingly standing behind her, knowing that they are facing an unknown future. Thoughtfully Anice looks at her, placing a hand on her chin. "What's the plan?" A slight smile flits across Xayah's lips as she sits down again. "We need to see that we recruit as many followers as possible who are willing to support us in this battle. We will go to a place where we can prepare ourselves, store supplies and train the inexperienced fighters, while some of us will try to deal with the humans and hopefully find some allies." 

She grimaces, just like Anice does when she processes the last words. "Humans? You really want to trust humans?" With her eyes turned to the ground, Xayah remains silent, biting her lower lip, while Rakan gives her an encouraging look before smiling at Anice. "Not all humans are bad, you know that. And we could never beat Noxus alone, we are all aware of that. From what I have heard, many humans were said to have defended our country in the last battle against Noxus and I think we will have a good chance of finding supporters for our cause among them." For a brief moment he remains silent, slightly pulling Xayah towards him, giving the others a serious smile. 

" It' s no longer just about us, no longer just about freeing the wild magic of Ionia. It is about all of us, us Vastaya, the humans who live here, our home. If we won't all stick together and bury our smaller differences, we will all lose what is important to us. Our families, our loved ones, our home. Humans may be simple-minded, but they aren't stupid. They will understand the importance of this union and will ally themselves with us, even if it is just temporary. To save our home. To save Ionia."

Slowly, the others nod to him, returning his smile, while Blaan looks at them for a moment with furrowed eyebrows. "It sounds like you've already planned ahead." Slowly Xayah nods, smiling timidly. "We will explain the details of our plans to you over the next few days, when we are ready and everything is prepared. I need a few more days to find back to myself entirely," she mumbles, smiling apologetically. 

Like on command Anice takes out her flute, grinning into the group. "Let's have some fun together again. If we might die soon in a goddamn war, let's enjoy our lives until then!" For a moment she winks at the others before she starts playing a lively melody, while the others skewer pieces of meat on sticks, as well as pieces of vegetables and put the skewers over the fire.

It doesn't take long and the previously tense mood fades away, happily laughing Kira, Cyjana, Allie and Shona dance to the flute tune, while Blaan holds his son on his lap and watches his wife dance, a satisfied smile on his lips, before he looks over to his friends, who are sitting slightly apart from each other and are lost in their own thoughts. 

"How are you?" He looks at them attentively as the typical broad grin on Rakan's lips returns and Xayah flinches briefly, looking at him in surprise. "We're doing better." As if to confirm his words, he puts his arm around her shoulder, dragging her slightly, causing her to lean her head slightly against his shoulder and close her eyes, humming softly. 

Relieved, he slips up a bit, nodding to the two of them. "You looked so absent, that worried me a little," he confesses, smiling again, whereupon she looks at him in surprise again, raising an eyebrow. "You don't need to worry about us, we've dealt with worse things," she mumbles, biting her lower lip and avoiding his gaze.

Laughing softly, he puts a hand on her arm, making her flinch slightly and whimper softly before giving her an encouraging smile. "I know that, but you two are incredibly important to me, so I worry about you. You are part of my family." His eyes shine as he strokes his son's soft hair. 

Tenderly, Rakan drags her closer, up on his lap and lays one arm lovingly over her belly, while his fingers gently stroke her side and he lays his head on her shoulder, whispering softly to her. Surprised, she looks to the side, looking directly into his face, returning his smile shortly afterwards. "I thought that was obvious," she laughs softly, for a brief moment seeming much younger than she actually is.

Gently he breathes a kiss on her hair before he looks at his friend again. "We were thinking that you, Shona and Anice could become the godparents for our child," he laughs softly as he strokes lovingly over Xayah's belly and earns a soft humming sound from her. Smiling, he nods, letting Aidan hop on his leg. "It would be an honor for us, for Shona and me. Of course you still have to ask Anice," he laughs cheerfully, receiving a nod in response. 

When they take the meat out of the fire some time later, Rakan is surprised to see that Xayah has fallen asleep and for a short moment he hesitates, playing with the thought of waking her, knowing that she hasn't eaten enough in the last days. A look at her relaxed features finally stops him and with a slight nod he smiles at the others before carefully carrying her over to the tent and bedding her down on her sleeping bag. 

"Rakan?"

Her voice is little more than a drowsy whisper as she rubs her hand over one of her eyes, the exhaustion clearly visible. Gently he covers her shoulders with a blanket, stroking her cheek with one hand. "Go back to sleep, Miella," he whispers softly. His eyes are shining and for a short moment he feels an unexpected warmth rising inside of him, a love he never knew before and once again Rakan realizes how much he loves her and that he would give everything for her to live a happy life, free of any pain.

For a moment she straightens up, hiding her yawn behind her hand, before she smiles sleepily at him. "Come to me, Mieli," she whispers, sliding back again and stretching out her arms to him. Without waiting a moment, he bends down to her, his eyes shining with joy as he slowly looks at her from top to bottom, his hand gliding across her cheek and down her neck. "You are so beautiful," he whispers softly, whereupon she turns her head away.

"I don't know why you think I' m beautiful," she whispers softly, turning her head away. Not a second later, he bent over her again, his head only a few inches away from her face and a loving smile on his lips. "It's just true," he mumbles as his hand gently strokes the fabric of her dress. "Wouldn't you like to change into something more comfortable," he mumbles softly, his voice sounds slightly husky. 

Shyly she nods to him, sitting up and staring at him with eyes wide open. "Help me, darling," she whispers softly and barely audible, biting her lower lip again. For a fraction of a second he freezes, before nodding slowly and sliding a little closer to her, stroking her side with one hand. They haven't been this close in a long time and without knowing why his heart beats up to his neck and his fingertips tingle with excitement. 

With slightly trembling fingers he strokes the straps of her dress from her shoulders, along her upper body down to her knees, before it loses contact with her body and transforms back into magic. For an incredibly long moment he just sits next to her while his eyes absorb every inch of her skin. Slowly he bends down to her, kissing her tenderly, while his fingertips move light, circling lines across her shoulders before they slowly slide down. 

She flinches briefly, almost immediately catching herself again and closing her eyes, biting lightly on her lower lip. Smiling contentedly, he observes her expressions, looking for any sign of discomfort without noticing any. A little more bravely, his fingers slide down to her chest, gently stroking one of her stiff nipples, to which she responds with a slight whimper, her eyes pressed together. He looks attentively into her face, his fingers withdrawing from her skin. 

"Should I stop?"

His voice is little more than a whisper, and to his great surprise she shakes her head, giving him a ''no'' to answer. Slowly he nods, his fingers stroking again over the soft skin of her breasts as he makes his way down to her belly. With one finger he follows the light, shimmering stretch marks on her skin, which are still clearly visible. She distorts her face, again staring in a different direction. 

"You have nothing to be ashamed of, babe. You are breathtaking and your stretch marks are beautiful. They show that we almost made it. That we almost had a family if it hadn't died," he whispers, placing his other hand on her cheek. She nods slowly, receiving an even wider smile in response. 

"You know, Rakan... ...when we were still at your... our tribe, I talked with Orome and he said our little angel was a girl... I think it's terrible that we speak of her as it, she was our baby after all. Even though we never got to meet her. And I thought we could call her Bryanna," she mumbles softly, avoiding his gaze.

In surprise, Rakan straightens up, looking at her in amazement. "Bryanna? After my father?" Slowly she nods, throwing him a light smile. "I thought we could honor him this way," she murmurs gently before he closes her in a firm embrace. "You are incredible. You can' t imagine how much I love you," he whispers softly, covering her hair and ears with tender kisses. 

"I love you too." The smile on his eyes becomes even wider as he notices the smile on her lips. 


	10. Gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank "the_main_Battledancer" for the Beta reading and support. 
> 
> You are amazing

For a fleeting moment, Xayah's face distorted, her eyes pressed together as she slowly steps out of the tent, shielding her face with her hand. The sun is high in the sky, although the day started just a few hours ago. Exhausted, she looks around, slowly walking over to the campfire while she yawns extensively. 

With a broad smile on her face she is greeted by Shona, who holds Aidan in her arms and with one hand stirs the pan a little helplessly, preparing breakfast for the group. "Wait, I'll help you," Xayah laughs softly, approaching her friend and reaching for the spoon. "You help me more if you hold Aidan a while. He sleeps through the night again, but a few minutes of rest and relaxation are lacking," she smiles, winking at Xayah. "You will see what I mean." 

A broad smile flits over Xayah's lips as she takes Aidan out of her arm and holds him playfully in the air. Smiling happily, Shona observes her friend, who is playing with the little boy with sparkling eyes, cheerfully twitching his small, fluffy ears and a merry laugh can be heard from him. 

As quietly as possible Blaan approaches the two of them, playing with a finger on the bushy, reddish-brown tip of her tail, whereupon Shona flinches in shock and looks at him scowling for a short moment. Grinning, he looks at his wife, pressing a loving kiss on her lips before he joins Xayah. "Has my sweetheart once again shoved our little one away," he grins jokingly, receiving a surprised look from Xayah, which quickly changes to a gentle smile. "I'd rather say I stole him from her," she giggles quietly, holding Aidan up in the air again and making him laugh.

"Guys, I got bad news!"

With quick steps, Rakan runs over to them, a sad expression in his eyes, while his hand clenches around a piece of parchment. From one heartbeat to another, the mood changes and the air seems thicker, as if you could cut it with a knife. "What happened?" He looks at Xayah in amazement, who immediately straightens up, hands Aidan to Blaan, and runs towards him. 

"Sit down, babe. It is a letter from Aengus. He was hunting with some of the men, there are less animals to hunt and they were forced to move further north-west to find something else. In the process they came across the remains of some tribes. Burned down and the ground seemed ..." He pauses for a moment, unfolding the letter once more. "He seemed poisoned, as if someone had put some chemical substances into the earth. Also three other tribes, which were nearby, are attacked. There were no survivors. One of these tribes..." 

Stricken, he closes his eyes, silent for a short moment, before he looks seriously from one to the other. "It's the Latrans tribe..." Shocked, Blaan looks at him, his eyes wide open as he slowly shakes his head. "That can't be," he mumbles, his eyes turned to the ground. "And... there is something else..." Avoiding the questioning looks, Rakan looks to the fire. "What is it?"

With a timid smile on his lips he looks at Shona. " Do you want the good news first or the bad news?" She clicks her tongue briefly, her arms crossed in front of her chest. "I thought we already had the bad news?" He throws a sad smile at her, like a grimace. "Unfortunately there are two pieces of bad news at once." He averts his gaze again, staring at the ground. "And even the good news won't necessarily please my wife," he mumbles, barely audible, feeling Xayah's sharp look in his neck.

"The bad news first." 

He nods hesitantly, closing his eyes while he sighs loudly, "We have... found Kira. With her throat slit..." Horrified eyes stare at him from all sides. "And what is the last message? Come, ruin our day completely," mumbles Xayah, holding Aidan tightly, and he begins to squirm in her arms. 

"Some members of our tribe are on their way here. They wish to join our cause." He smiles gently, but even his smile can' t hide his discomfort. "Who?" Her voice is more sharp than she needed to be, her shoulders tense. "Lao, Orome, Aengus..." he smiles before muttering another name. "Who else?"

"Ivera..."

Xayah's eyes widen in horror, without thinking about it, she shakes her head, biting her lower lip. "No! No, no, no! You can't be serious, Rakan! Not Ivera, no!" With an expression which is a mixture of rage, disgust and sheer hatred, she jumps up, looking him straight in the eyes. "I'm not pleased either, Miella," he mumbles, looking at her apologetically. 

Outraged, she snorts up. "Not pleased?! You're not pleased?! She poisoned me and killed our child! She threatened me and she tried to sabotage our relationship. I don't want her near me, Rakan. No." Without thinking about it, she puts her arms around her belly, looking horrified to the ground as Rakan slowly takes a step towards her. "You don't need to be afraid, I will protect you both, she won't be able to hurt you." Tenderly he strokes her cheek with his hand, receiving a slight twitch from her. "Just like back then..." she mumbles without thinking about it. 

A moment later his hand drops, staring at her with trembling lower lip, while the others turn away and disappear back to their tents. " So... that's not what I meant...", Xayah whispers, biting her lower lip again. Carefully, she takes his hand in hers, slightly pressing it. "We have to talk, Rakan, I think it's important...", she mumbles, pointing towards the tent. Slowly she straightens up on the tips of her claws, giving him a gentle kiss before she looks at him apologetically. 

"I just need to talk to Blaan and Shona for a second, I'll be with you in a minute," she whispers, receiving a short nod from him and without another word he turns around, walking over to the tent. With quick steps, she runs over to the tent that Blaan and Shona share, Aidan still clinging to her, asking to come in. 

"Are you all right?" Shona looks at her pitifully, accepting Aidan, causing Xayah to nod slowly. "We're in desperate need to talk... we haven't talked about it for too long, pretending everything is fine, but I think it was a mistake and we have to correct it. I would just like to ask you to discuss the plan with the others and tell us about the decision later. We have discussed everything so far, or did you have any questions or doubts?"

With a confident smile on his lips, Blaan puts his hand on her shoulder, even though his eyes express deep sadness. "We'll be fine, don't worry about us. We wanted to discuss something with you anyway, so... when you've solved your problems-, it would be good if we could talk in private."

"Thanks," she whispers, giving them a slight smile before she climbs out of the tent and hurries over to Rakan.

  
As soon as she has opened the entrance to the tent, she climbs in, closing the entrance from the inside. Rakan is sitting on his sleeping bag, head down and not even twitching as she crawls over to him. "Rakan," she whispers, laying a hand on his cheek. He still doesn't react and her forehead wrinkles as she puts her head on his,

"Rakaaan", she chirps, long and a little disappointed that he ignores her. "I'm sorry," she whispers, one hand stroking his neck, still not getting an answer. Disappointed, she puffs her cheeks and presses him back with light force, so that he lies on his sleeping bag and looks at her in surprise. 

"I' m sorry, Rakan. I' m really sorry. I expressed myself foolishly and it was not even intended. And if you think I blame you for what happened... I do not. It's just..." She breaks off, closing her eyes and breathing out loud before looking at him again, more seriously this time. 

"When lvera is near us, I just don't feel safe. She destroyed our family before and she threatened me that I would regret marrying you. What if she tries anything again? Even if you're careful and you stop her from doing anything... what if her attempt alone is hurting our child?"

"I'll make sure she doesn't get close enough to hurt you or our baby."

A light smile flits over her lips as she puts her hands on his cheeks, leans down to him and kisses him tenderly. When their lips separate again, they smile slightly at each other, her fingertips stroke gently across his neck and her smile grows a little wider. 

"You know, darling... I have tried to forget all the things she did to us, what we could have now, how happy we could be. Not that we aren't happy, but whenever I think of Bryanna, I just realize how a part of me is filled with this incredible emptiness and sadness... I know we never knew her and yet I feel this way. It might be crazy or insane or whatever, but it' s true and I can't change it. Just the thought that Ivera could be with us, near our unborn child... I could never close my eyes and sleep peacefully." For a moment she shivers, closing her eyes, escaping his gaze. 

For a second Rakan opens his mouth, wanting to say something, but before a word leaves his lips she puts her finger on them, stopping him from speaking. "Please, babe, let me tell you everything important first, if you stop me now... I will lose my courage to tell you about all of this. You know... I'm not that good at expressing myself." She smiles apologizing to him, he gives her a tender kiss on the finger, showing that he understands her.

For a brief moment she looks at him with sparkling eyes before biting her lower lip again and briefly ordering her thoughts as she slowly places herself beside him, her hand still on his cheek. "You know... you were right about what you said the other day. There's no one who knows me better than you do and I'm incredibly happy about it. When you mentioned that you know I cry when I think you're sleeping... that showed me how well you actually know me and that it was foolish of me to assume that you wouldn't know. And I realized that I want you to know how I am inside me, that you know how I feel and who I am, why I think that way and everything." Once again she remains silent, slightly wincing as his hand rests on her waist.

"Without you I would have given up already. You are everything to me, you know that, Rakan? You are all my strength, without you I can' t and don' t want to go any further, you are all that matters to me. You and our unborn child. You are my hope, my only peace, my joy and strength. You are my life and my only and everlasting love. You and our child." For a short moment she closes her eyes, with her fingertips down his neck and across his chest. 

" In all my bitterness I kept ignoring all this for a long time, I took it for granted, for something that means nothing anymore. But now I understand that I was wrong, you helped me see the truth. You showed me how precious life is, how I have to learn to deal with the pain, to heal it instead of just carrying everything with me. You made me realize that I' m not to blame for what happened and that I' m not worth less because of it. And... I want to thank you, Rakan, with all my heart and all I have. I thank you so incredibly much, you wouldn't believe it. And I love you even more, forever and a day."

Smiling, he looks at her, his lips pressing on hers, while he strokes her back with his hand. Slightly breathless, their lips separate again, a questioning expression clearly visible in her eyes, whereupon he rubs his nose tenderly against her cheek, breathing light kisses on her skin. "Aren't you going to say anything?"

Lovingly he puts his hand under her chin, making her look at him before he slowly shakes his head. "Not really, Miella. The only thing I can think of is how much I would like to hold you comfortingly in my arms now and show you that I will never leave you alone and will always stay by your side. I will protect you and our Child, from all harm... Always, forever and a day. If Ivera should come near you or even glance in your direction, she should fear for her life. Just trust me."

Tentatively, she bites her lower lip before she slowly nods. "You are the only one I really trust." Gently she lays her forehead against his chest while he holds her lovingly in his arms, humming reassuringly for her. "You should sleep a little more, you hardly found rest during last night", he whispers, reaching for the small flask of lavender oil, before he spreads a few drops on her skin and cradles her lovingly in his arms until he hears her steady breath.

Even if there is alot they still need to figure out, the only thing Rakan can think about is her relaxed figure, while she lies calmly in his arm. Letting sleep take over...


	11. Farewell

"We will meet with the others at the Aphae Waterfalls and set up our camp there. It will be an exhausting time, it will demand more from you than ever before. But you heard Xayah, a war is coming and it will be inevitable. We have discussed for a long time how to deal with this situation, this knowledge, but I think this is the path to take. 

We will prepare everything as good as we can, and everyone who is willing to fight and who isn't sure if he is good enough to be at the front without losing his life can train with us. We won't let any of you go into a battle that you can't stand. We are a family and we are there for each other, we protect each other and our home! Gu bràth Ionia!" 

Seriously, Blaan looks around as his eyes glide from one to the other, looking at the determined faces of his fellows. He extends his arm and when his voice sounds again shortly after, it' s louder than before, more determined. "Gu bràth Ionia!" Satisfied, he realizes how the others imitate his gesture, how they repeat his words.

"As long as we are united, no one can harm us! As long as we fight side by side and protect each other, we can stand against anyone!" Shona throws a broad smile into the crowd before she climbs up a tree stump that was previously used as a seat. "We are Ionians! We carry a power within us no one from Noxus will ever stand up against! As long as we are united and trust each other, we can push any attacker back to where he came from!". 

"We protect our home! We protect Ionia! Gu bràth Ionia!" Anice looks proudly at the others, pushing her long hair back while her long floppy ears slide back and forth to the rhythm of her words. 

As Xayah climbs out of the tent and sees her group gathered around the fire, swearing loyality to her homeland, she has to fight against tears for a moment. Gently she grabs Rakan's hand as he comes to a halt behind her, lightly pressing it and giving him a happy look. 

"We will make it. Nothing and nobody can stop us. We are Ionia," she whispers softly as he gently presses her hand and smiles at her.

While the others around her slowly sit down and raise their cups to the lost friend and companion, Xayah pulls her friends aside, telling them to come to the lake, where they sit down together. 

"You wanted to discuss something," smiles Xayah, looking gently at her friends. Hesitantly, Blaan nods, taking Shona's hand in his, squeezing it firmly and yet tenderly at the same time. For a short moment they look deeply into each other's eyes before Shona turns her gaze to the ground and Blaan looks sadly at his friends.

"We all know that this war is inevitable," murmurs Blaan, pressing Shona's hand a little harder. He swallows, his next words are visibly difficult for him. "We cannot simply put our son's life at risk, you know that as well as we do. We had planned to bring him to my tribe until the situation is safe again."

For a moment, Xayah and Rakan take a serious look at each other while Rakan holds her tight and protective in his arms. " Obviously, now that Noxus has destroyed the tribe, it' no longer possible. And my own tribe disappeared years ago." Her words are soft as Shona explains the situation to her friends.

"The last chance we have left to keep Aidan safe... is to leave him in your tribe. The people there seemed very nice and if they managed to win Xayah's trust, they will have ours." For a moment, Shona closes her eyes as a single tear runs down her cheek. Without thinking about it, Xayah gets up, walks over to her and takes her in a firm embrace. 

"Do you think Gawyn will agree to this?" she asks straight out as she strokes Shona across her back. "I think so, we could ask if the tent we always used is still available, then you could stay there with Aidan." Smiling, Rakan moves over to them while Blaan slowly shakes his head. 

"We will come with you. We will give Aidan to someone we trust, someone you trust and join you. This fight, it's ours as much as yours. We are fighting for our future, our freedom. We have to risk it, for our son. So that one day he can live in peace and freedom without fear of being forced to leave his home. We can' t bring ourselves to safety, knowing that you are putting your life and your family in danger for us and for our son".

Slowly Xayah shakes her head, her forehead in folds. "But..."

" But nothing, Xayah. You know I'm right. And you don't act any differently yourself. You're putting yourself and your unborn child in danger as well," Blaan cuts her off, looking at her seriously, causing her to nod slowly. 

" When we go to the waterfalls we are very close, the four of us could make a short detour and discuss everything. Should you change your mind and want to stay safe with Aidan, it's perfectly ok, we can understand. We really do."

Gently Shona puts a hand on his arm, shaking her head slightly. "We have already decided, Rakan. We need to fight for what is important to us. This is our fight too. There' s no turning back now."

They look at each other, nodding slightly, but remain silent. 

  
~ * ~

  
Night has already fallen when they walk through the gate that marks the entrance to their tribe. Surprised looks are directed at the guests, amazed faces illuminated by the flickering flames. "What a wonderful surprise," Geillis cheers, hurrying towards the group and motherly embracing Xayah before letting her go and holding Rakan just as close.

She pauses for a moment before shrugging her shoulders and pulling first Shona, then Blaan into a warm embrace. "We didn't expect to see you in the next few months, if not years," smiles Gawyn as he approaches her as well and embraces them one by one. 

"We are coming with several requests at once." Rakan laughs cheerfully, grinning at his grandfather and aunt as Xayah tightens her cape, protecting herself from the wind. "Come over to the fire first, you are half frozen." Geillis pushes the two women over to the fire with gentle force before a young woman gives them each a cup. 

Xayah briefly smells on the liquid and the unmistakable smell of mead gets into her nose. With a smile on her lips she hands the cup to Rakan, receiving a surprised look from Geillis and a few others. With a broad smile she looks up at Rakan, who lovingly puts his arm around her upper body and looks proudly from one to the other.

"Xayah is pregnant again. We had hoped that Orome might still be here so that he could check on her. But as I can see, he has already left with the others." Surprised, the young woman, who had previously handed them the cup of mead, looks up with a broad smile on her lips. 

"We have not been introduced to each other yet. I am Lieksa, Oromes' student." The young woman smiles lightly, brushing a strand of her short, dark brown hair from her face as she looks curiously at the newcomers. "Really? Oh God, I'm so happy for you," Geillis laughs cheerfully as Xayah gives Lieksa a friendly smile. 

"You remember Blaan and Shona? The little one in the carrier is Aidan, he is a great little boy now that he lets you sleep through the night," laughs Rakan, receiving a playful slap from Blaan. Astonished Iain looks back and forth between them, his forehead slightly wrinkled. "Aengus said you were preparing for a war, against Noxus. And that the others would join you to defend our home. Is this the right place for children?" 

The smiles fade from their faces, and Rakan gives him a sad look. "No, and that is exactly why we are here. We wanted to ask you to look after them and make sure our children and wives are safe."

Xayah tears herself loose and looks at him seriously. "This wasn't what we discussed. I won't sit back and wait while you fight _my_ war! I started all of this, I created the rebellion, I will never let you put yourselves in danger because of me while I sit at home in safety!".

"The same applies to me." Shona gazes sternly back and forth between Blaan and Rakan, gently stroking Aidan's back. "We started this together, we'll finish it together." She throws an apologetic smile around. "Actually, we came here to ask you to look after Aidan. We can' t put him in this danger. We were going to take him to my husband's tribe, but..." She glances around the crowd, receiving a sympathetic smile from Gawyn.

Tenderly, Blaan strokes his wife's hair, eyes fixed on his son as a loving smile moves across his face as he hears the relaxed breaths of his two beloved ones. "We will protect him," smiles Geillis, looking at her motherly as Shona tenderly cradles her son in her arms. "You can't imagine how grateful we are to you," whispers Blaan, looking at her earnestly.

"You are always welcome here with us, friends of our family are our friends too." A broad smile creeps across Gawyn's face as he takes a sip from his cup. "Will you stay the night?"

"No." Surprised, they look at Xayah, not expecting this clearly refusing gesture. She looks apologetically from one to the other. "If we spend the night... it's so hard for me to leave again," she mumbles excusingly, biting her lower lip slightly while her eyes move to the ground. "As long as you know that you are always welcome, everything is fine, child. Remember, you're one of us, you're family." Gently, a hand is placed on her shoulder. She looks up in surprise, gazing into Gawyn's friendly eyes, before she nods hesitantly and is pulled into a warm embrace by him. "Thank you."

For some time they remain sitting around the fire, chatting happily and forgetting the worries of the future, but when the moment of farewell comes, their hearts almost break. Lovingly Shona strokes her son through his thin hair, covering his head with kisses while tears run down her cheeks. 

"I'm so sorry, darling, so sorry. But it's for the best, Mummy loves you, you know that, don't you? Be good, we'll be back as soon as we know your future is safe," she whispers, giving him another kiss on the forehead as Blaan gently strokes his son's cheek, struggling with the tears himself. Slowly Shona passes Aidan to Xayah, who holds the toddler close to her. 

"Be nice, little man. And don't kick these people' asses too much, okay? You're in very good and loving hands here until Mommy, Daddy, Auntie and Uncle are back, you hear Aidan. We love you, little man," she mumbles, running her finger across his cheek before Rakan takes him from her arms and throws him up in the air, creating a loud and happy laugh from Aidan. 

"We don't need any big good-byes, right Champ? We'll be back soon, you'll see. And don't worry, I'll bring your mom and dad back safely," laughs Rakan before handing Aidan back to Blaan, who holds his son close. "We love you and we know that you are safe here. We'll be back soon, my little fluff."

He gently strokes him through his hair one last time before handing his son over to Geillis, who gently takes him in her arms and caresses his back while Aidan looks at his parents with wide eyes, not understanding what is going on. Sobbing, Shona turns around before leaving in the other direction, while Aidan reaches out his arms to her and begins to cry while Geillis holds him comfortingly in her arms.

~ * ~ * ~

  
Satisfied, Xayah and Lao walk between the rows of tents, talking to some of the people and checking on their progress. Although she is not particularly happy about the situation, Xayah is happy to have one of her closest friends with her.

And all in all, she is more than pleased with what they have achieved so far, even if she isn't sure if they would have even the slightest chance in a fight at this moment. Unfortunately, Lao agrees with her on this, instead of scattering her worries.

Her followers are training hard and doing their best, but not all of them are making progress and, although she is reluctant to admit it, the situation is not as rosy as she would like. But progress is progress and a little improvement is better than none at all. At a distance she sees Anice trying to teach a group of completely inexperienced men how to wield a sword. 

She stands behind one of the men, moving his arm to another position before she freezes and looks over to the forest just like Xayah. Within seconds, a tumult breaks loose, screams can be heard and from the corner of her eye Xayah can see something flying towards the rows of tents. 

Within seconds the first tents are on fire, more screams are heard and between the nearby trees some figures emerge which can be clearly identified as Noxii. " Don't be afraid! Fear is your greatest enemy," Anice screams through the noise as the group of farmers grab a shield from a pile on the ground, while bullets are fired at them from the edge of the forest. 

"Strike!", shouts Xayah over to Anice, who nods and gives the order to her group, who hold the shields in front of them and hurry towards the group at the edge of the forest with swords raised. "Get help! We have to extinguish the fire", Xayah yells to her friend through the turmoil, who nods to her and runs towards the passage to the waterfalls, while Xayah runs in the opposite direction to support the fighters. 

It doesn't take long and Lao is back with a few others, carrying buckets of water which they throw over the tents and extinguish the flames. As she gives the others one order after another, she sees a few bullets being fired at her group at some distance before they go down and remain motionless on the ground.

Horrified, she stops, her eyes fixed on the remains of her friends, on the lifeless body of her husband. Without thinking, she runs over to the executed group, going to the ground next to Aengus and rocking his lifeless body in her arms.

From a distance, Xayah sees one of the last surviving Noxii pointing his gun at Lao, ignoring herself completely, all the noise around her giving way to a loud murmur as she shreds the Noxii's neck with a well-aimed feather and within seconds he lies soaked in his own blood.

Slowly Xayah turns to her friend, horrified to see that Lao has gone down, that she was too slow. That the Noxii had killed her before she could kill him. Slowly she walks over to her, her legs feeling heavy as she collapses over the lifeless body of one of her best friends and sobs loudly, giving in to her grief and despair.


	12. Negotiation

  
Rakan looks down at her with concern, one hand stroking through her damp hair while Xayah stares at the wall of the tent. "I' m with you," he whispers, bending down to her and breathing a tender kiss on her hairline. Silently she nods to him, fighting against the tears. Even though he doesn't like to admit it, he is worried when she suppresses her feelings so badly. 

Lovingly he looks at her while he gently strokes her cheek and hums softly for her. She looks at him, a slight smile on her lips as a tear runs down her cheek. "She was like a sister to me..." She straightens up, looking him straight in the eyes as she bites her lower lip. 

Without saying anything else, she throws herself at his chest, absorbing his smell as she slowly calms down.

~ * ~

Once again she looks at the letter before pressing her hand around it in a fist and looking from one to the other with a mixture of anger, hate and disgust. "Where did you get this?!" Her voice trembles as she clenches her teeth. 

"It was pinned to a tree with a knife." 

Nervously, Blaan paces up and down, nestling his fingers on a strand of his hair. "I'm not sure if this is a good idea. It's not that I think you can't defend yourself but what if it's' a trap?!" He looks at his friends seriously. "He's right.What if something goes wrong? What if you get hurt? Or if your child is harmed? You've already lost one and that you've got a second chance is almost a miracle! Do you really want to challenge your luck?" 

Serious Shona looks back and forth between the two of them while Rakan drags his wife closer to him and strokes her gently over her tummy without thinking about it. Shona's heart contracts briefly when she sees Xayah's face. "There is nothing else we could do. If I won't go, they will attack us again and they wrote about a much bigger army in this letter." Xayah looks down briefly before she raises her eyes again and looks straight at her friends. "They would smash us to the ground and kill all of us, I can' t and won' t allow that." 

She nods hesitantly, knowing that Xayah is right, while Anice gives her a thoughtful look. "And what if we accompany you? Not in public, so that everyone knows that we belong to you. But maybe with a little delay, so you'd have a back up in case something happens."

For a short moment she looks at Anice thoughtfully before nodding to her slowly. "The idea isn't that bad. Quite the opposite. But we shouldn't abandon the camp and we need to be able to make sure all of our members are safe". 

Nervously, she starts walking up and down the shore of the lake, nodding slowly while mumbling to herself barely audibly. "Exactly, we do it just like you said. I'd like to have you both, Anice and Blaan, with me. Shona, please make sure the camp doesn't burn down." For a short moment she looks down on the ground before she looks at her friend apologetically. "I didn't mean it," she mumbles quietly, averting her gaze. 

When they leave shortly afterwards, Shona looks at them wistfully, while an uneasy feeling spreads inside her.

~ * ~

Xayah looks around nervously as she hurries through the streets of Huetala, Rakan close behind her, "There's the tavern where we' re going to meet," she whispers, looking at him seriously. Wordlessly, he puts his hand on her shoulder, pressing it reassuringly, while he notices in amazement that the first snowflakes are falling on her. Without looking at her, he knows exactly that this small change in weather conditions won't please her. 

For a moment she cramps up under his fingers, her hand slightly stretched out, before she suppresses the rising memories with a quick movement of her head. "Come on, let's listen to what they have to tell us," she mumbles as she tightens her cape and they hurry over to the tavern entrance together. 

With their eyes slightly narrowed, they look around, not knowing what to look for, as a hand slightly rests on Xayah's back and she turns around in one quick movement, summoning three featherdaggers. With a cold smile, the person looks down at her, white hair combed back before falling over his shoulders. 

Disgusted, Xayah snorts up, still holding the featherdaggers in her hand, even though she lets them sink slowly. "Did you send us this message?" she hisses quietly, the expression in her eyes as cold as the one in the stranger's eyes. Even if she hadn't known that the author of the letter was from Noxus, she would have known by now anyway, his appearance unmistakable.

"So you are the Violet Raven. I thought you were... ...a little taller." His voice sounds smooth, but something in it alerts Xayah, and next to her, she can see Rakan becoming slightly restless as well and beginning to look around the tavern. "We aren't here to talk kindly," she growls, her golden eyes directed straight at his face. 

For a brief moment, he stops before the cold smile leaves his lips and gives way to something indefinable, before he points to a table and tells them to sit down there. For an indescribably long moment, both their eyes rest on his arm, which resembles a claw and glows in an ominous red. 

As they move in the direction the man points, Xayah watches with discomfort as another figure, also clearly from Noxus, positions himself at the door. They look at each other briefly before they sit down at the table and the stranger takes a seat opposite them. " I forgot my manners. I' m Grand General Jericho Swain," he introduces himself, nodding briefly at them. "You are a Noxii, your rank doesn't matter here," Xayah hisses hostilely as she looks at him with eyes narrowing to slits.

He laughs briefly, so cold that it sends a shiver down their spines before he looks at them with calculating glance and leans with both hands on the table. "So you want to get straight to the point, Vastaya. Good. I'm here to make you an offer. As you already know", the expression in his eyes gets colder while a spiteful smile twitches across his lips. "Is your situation not that good. While we first-"

"Invaded our homeland and killed hundreds of innocent people," Xayah tells him, arms crossed in front of her chest. He looks at her briefly, his eyes fixed on hers. "Your kind supported us, you Vastaya have been on our side". Slowly he sits down again, looking at her confidently.

She snorts, a mocking smile on her lips. "Not all of us." Next to her, Rakan looks around while another Noxii slowly approaches them. "Maybe not all of you Vastaya. But your tribe has supported us. I can tell by the mark on your face." Disbelievingly she looks at him, slowly shaking her head. "This is nonsense. We were a peaceful tribe, we farmed and told each other stories." Again she shakes her head, staring at him in disbelief. 

"Where do you think the warriors of your tribe were? They helped us to take the Placidium of Navori over." Disturbed, she looks at him, shaking her head again. " This can' t be."

"But it is. When we were pushed back, the Ionians executed them. They were traitors and were executed as such. If you join us, then we can-"

Angrily she stares at him, getting on her feet. "If you were there when they were executed, why didn't you help them? You're not better than anyone else." She straightens up, hands on the table. "We won't join you. Ionia is our homeland and we will protect it. Against you and anyone who gets in our way." Slowly she turns around, walking a few steps towards the door, before turning to Swain one last time. 

"It might be that my tribe has supported you in the past, but don't expect me to repeat the mistakes of the past." Without waiting for another word or his reaction she turns around again, walking towards the door, as the Noxii, who had previously moved in their direction, runs towards her. Within a blink of an eye, Rakan grabs him by the collar, looking at him angrily, before throwing him into another Noxii, snorting angrily. 

"I have killed for her once and I will do it again."

Without another word, they leave the tavern before they hurry across the market place, past a group of cheering humans who have gathered around a singer. For a moment Rakan looks at her thoughtfully before following Xayah to another tavern


	13. By your Side

  
In bad mood, Xayah stares out of the tavern window, onto the now snow-covered paths, before a young woman approaches their table and places four cups of hot, spiced wine in front of them. Slowly, Rakan takes a sip as he looks attentively at his wife-from the side. "You look depressed," Blaan whispers, looking at her seriously, causing Xayah to give him a surprised look, sighing softly and nodding slightly. 

She leans slightly forward before the others do the same and she whispers softly to them what Swain has told her. Nervously, she bites her lower lip, averting her gaze. "I don't understand why you're reacting this way. You can't help the decision your tribe members made back then. You chose a different path and I think that's what matters," Anice replies in an equally whispering voice, giving her a serious glance, to which Blaan and Rakan nod in agreement. 

"You decided that you wouldn't repeat the mistakes of the past. And you told them clearly." For a moment Rakan hesitates, giving her a broad smile and placing his hand on her shoulder. "I think we're on a good way. And now don't worry about it anymore, we should end the evening comfortably, maybe celebrate a little..." 

Surprised, she looks at him, rolling her eyes slightly when she sees his excited grin. "Let me guess, you want to watch the performer outside." In good mood, he nods at her as he jumps up from his seat and drags her up with him. "You don't have to wait for us," he laughs cheerfully to their friends, dragging Xayah behind him and leading her through the snow over to the stage.

From a distance they can already see the crowd cheering, excited voices reaching their ears, and for a moment Xayah looks at him thoughtfully while his eyes sparkle with joy. "You miss this, don't you?" Surprised, he looks at her, wrapping his arms around her as he nods slowly and thoughtfully. " Now and then a little, yes. After all, it was the center of my life for a long time." He smiles gently at her from the side as his arms wrap around her waist. "But now.... now you are the center of my life. You and Vika."

Surprised, she looks up, gazing into his eyes in surprise. "Vika?" With a broader smile, he nods to her, breathing a soft kiss on her forehead. "I don't want to talk about our child as if it' an object. So I thought Vika was a beautiful name." A shy smile flits across Xayah's lips and she looks to the ground, her arms wrapped around his. "So you wish for a girl?" she whispers in a squeaky voice. "A girl would be great, but the most important thing is that it's healthy," he laughs softly, tightening his grip on her as he follows the show on stage. 

Gently, Xayah reaches for his hand, loosening it from her waist as she looks lovingly at him, leading him through the crowd. "Let's get closer," she laughs softly, to which he follows her with a happy coo as the singer on stage spins around and stops with a small jump at the edge of the stage, pointing at the crowd. 

" All together now," she laughs to the crowd, shaking her pink-purple hair slightly as she begins to dance on the stage again, reaching her free arm in the air as she begins the next verse. 

A slight push causes Rakan to look back in surprise, right into Xayah's smiling face as she pushes him towards the stage with shining eyes. "Go on, babe, I know you want to," she laughs, to which he nods slightly, breathes a kiss on her forehead, and jumps up on stage to the singer, who looks at him in amazement for a moment before starting the next verse, which he joins in to, turning the song into a duet.

Within no time, the two are dancing around each other on stage in perfect synergy as their song captivates the crowd in front of the stage. As the song draws to a close, Rakan lifts the young singer above his head while using magic to send golden sparks dancing through the air and his eyes lock onto Xayah, who stares at him in awe from the crowd, her mouth slightly open and her eyes gleaming. 

When the crowd parts some time later and they leave the stage, Xayah runs over to them excitedly, snuggling close to Rakan's chest. "That was wonderful," she whispers softly, her eyes closed as Rakan gently wraps his arms around her and runs a hand through her feathers. Curious, Rakan's gaze roams over the singer, examining her intently. "You're not from around here."

She shakes her head, throwing him a bright smile. "I'm from Piltover. My name is Seraphine," she grins, packing her microphone into her bag as she nods slowly over to the tavern where they had spoken with Swain hours before. "I rented a room there, I'll be traveling on in a few days," she laughs, throwing them a bright smile before waving goodbye and disappearing into the tavern. 

"A strange fellow," Xayah murmurs, eyes still fixed on the closed door, before Rakan gently grabs her by the hand and drags her behind him, heading towards the forest. "Where are you taking me?" Her voice is low and an amused laugh can be heard from it as he simply winks at her and leads her to a snowy clearing. With glittering eyes, she holds onto a thin branch from which snow trickles as she lets go of it. He walks a few steps ahead, holding out his hand, which she immediately takes, shaking more snow from the branches as she walks through the trees over to him. 

Chuckling, he closes her in his arms, lifting her off the ground and raising her into the air as he looks at her, eyes gleaming. Laughing softly, she grabs one of the nearby branches, causing snow to fall on them both, which he answers with a laugh.

Chuckling, he wraps his arms tighter around her, spinning around with her, hearing her laughter is music to his ears and his heart beats faster for a moment before he sets her down, running his hand tenderly over her cheek. "You're so different," he whispers softly, a gentle smile on his lips, which she returns shyly.

"I've realized that I can't stop living just because things happened which I had no control over. I'm leaving all that behind and moving forward, step by step. For you, for our baby, for all those who are important to us." Her expression softens and she places her head against his chest, humming softly. "But mostly for you." Gently, she places her lips on his before separating them from him again, breaking free of his embrace and running away, laughing and looking back at him.

Laughing as well, he follows her as she loses her balance and falls into the fluffy snow with a soft shriek, to which he just starts laughing even louder and drops into the snow next to her, receiving two hands full of snow thrown in his face. Breathing heavily, they remain in the snow, head to head and looking into each other's eyes, before she slowly turns in his direction and presses a tender kiss on his lips, sliding her hand down his neck.

He looks at her in surprise as her kiss becomes more demanding and she slides her fingers under his shirt. "Miella..." Tenderly he caresses her cheek, pressing his lips more firmly to hers as he feels her hands on his chest and sighs softly into the kiss. "Are you sure?" he murmurs gently, pressing his lips to hers again in the next moment. 

She nods timidly, eyes closed, before she slowly detaches herself from him and a shiver runs down her spine. Gently, he places his hand on her cheek, smiling lovingly at her. "We should get back to the tavern, you're freezing," he whispers, and without waiting for her response, he picks her up from the ground and takes her out of the forest, back towards the cozy brick house. Laughing softly, she clings to him as he holds her tight in his arms, gently wrapping his wing around her. "I can also walk on my own."

Tenderly, he holds her closer, looking into her eyes with a smile. "I know you can, but right now I'm enjoying your closeness far too much to put you down." His eyes sparkle and the smile on his lips widens a bit more as her hand slides under his top again and she rests her head against his chest, closing her eyes in total relaxation. Lovingly, he looks down at her, relieved to see her so relaxed. 

When he enters the tavern again some time later, there is no sign of the others, so he carries Xayah without any further hesitation up to their room, while she gently strokes his chest with a light purr.

As soon as they enter the room, he sets her down on the bed, turning around and closing the door behind them. When he returns to the bed, there is no trace of Xayah. Surprised, Rakan looks around, amused to find that the door to the bathroom is locked. "Babe?" He knocks lightly on the door, a questioning undertone in his voice. "I'll be right there for you, just settle in, I'll need just a minute." 

With a satisfied smile on his lips, he walks over to one of the closets, lighting a few candles on it with a movement of his hand, before heading over to the bedside table and lighting the candles on it as well. Then he lays down on the bed, looking over at the door and waiting for her, hoping that she likes the little romantic gesture and might want to cuddle a bit more before they go to bed.

When the door opens some time later, he looks at her in surprise, his eyes widening in delight. "Wow, Miella... you look... wow," he murmurs, sitting up slightly as he looks at her in amazement. With a shy smile, she steps into the room, her ears lowered to rest on her open hair and wearing nothing but dark red, fine lace underwear and a transparent lace robe adorning a delicate floral pattern, exposing more than it covers, in the same shade of red as the underwear. 

Speechless, he strokes his hair back as she slowly steps toward him, gently pushing him down onto the bed as their lips tenderly meet and her hands glide along his chest. As their lips part, they look deeply into each other's eyes as Xayah slowly slides up to him, lips open a crack, not taking her eyes off his face. He lovingly strokes her clan tattoo with his thumb, a gentle smile on his lips. 

With a suggestive smile on her lips, she kisses her way down his neck as her hands glide over his abs, not taking her eyes off him as she sits down on his lap. Aroused, he moans out, gently stroking her side as he closes his eyes in pleasure. 

Gently she kisses her way down his chest as she begins to slowly remove his pants, running a hand over his crotch, clearly feeling his arousal. For a moment she freezes before slowly taking out his member, not noticing that he is looking at her seriously as she begins to move her hand up and down with trembling fingers, her lips pressed tightly together. 

"You don't have to do this," he whispers, slowly sitting up, the expression in his eyes a mixture of sadness and pain. Startled, she flinches, looking at him with wide eyes as her lower lip begins to tremble. "I... I know..." Gently, he wraps his arms around her waist, dragging her onto his lap and burying his face in her hair. "If you know, why are you forcing yourself to do it?" His voice is barely more than a whisper.

Silent for a moment, she swallows. 

"I want to do it... I... I miss feeling that intimacy, that feeling of having you inside me. But..." She breaks off, turning her gaze to the side. Tenderly, he places his hand under her chin, making her look at him, while a loving smile crosses his lips and he breathes a light kiss on her trembling lips. "I understand," he whispers, holding her closer to him and pressing her head to his chest as he hums softly, soothingly for her. "Just relax."

Timidly, she nods, snuggling closer to him as his hand slides under the lace fabric and he lightly strokes her belly. Again, he buries his face in her hair as he runs his fingertips over the slight bulge on her belly, sighing happily. "May I undress you?" His voice is soft as he breathes a tender kiss on her neck, receiving a nod from her in response.

With one hand, he undoes the satin bow adorning the lace chemise on her front before beginning to untie the velvet ribbon holding her bra together before sliding the straps over her shoulder and stroking her nipple with his thumb, receiving an excited gasp from her in response before she bites her lower lip again, suppressing her excited moan.

"Don't hold back," he whispers as her ears settle closer to her head and she nods slowly, eyes closed, as his fingers slide under her panties. Surprised, he tightens his hold on her as his fingers feel the lubricating wetness between her lips, humming softly as she whimpers softly, clinging to him. 

Thrilled by her reaction, he drags her a little closer, resting his head on her shoulder as he slowly begins to stimulate her clit with a finger, feeling the moisture on his fingers grow even more intense. Gently, he kisses her neck before sliding her onto the mattress and positioning himself between her legs, slowly removing her panties. 

Tenderly he strokes her clit with his thumb while he carefully inserts a finger into her, causing her to bite her lower lip and roll her eyes, burying her fingers in the blanket. Attentively, he looks down at her, moving his fingers faster inside her, noting with satisfaction that her breathing is getting faster. "I want to feel you," she gasps in a whisper, biting her lower lip again as her body tenses slightly beneath him and she stares at him with wide eyes.

Slowly he nods, pressing his fingers into her one last time before sliding them out and getting into position between her legs. Carefully, he bends down to her, pressing his lips to hers before looking deep into her eyes. "Are you sure about this? We can wait until you're really ready for this," he whispers softly as she presses her lips to his once more, with her tongue brushing against his lips, asking for entrance. 

Without thinking, he grants it, stroking her breast again with one hand as their tongues engage in an intimate dance. As they break away from each other, she looks at him excitedly, breathing heavily, heartfelt love evident in her eyes. She nods, pressing herself against him as his hand strokes her cheek and he thrusts into her with a soft moan, which she answers with an equal sigh.

Slowly and gently he begins to move inside her, covering her face with small kisses while she clings to him, dropping her head into her neck and panting softly. Motivated by her reaction, he begins to move a little faster, but still as cautiously as before, careful to notice the slightest signs of fear or discomfort.

He is all the more surprised when shortly after he feels her tighten around him, gasping his name as she comes, so that he is unable to hold back either and comes deep inside her with a loud moan as he covers her face with more kisses. "Sorry," she murmurs, looking at him exhaustedly as he smiles lovingly at her, breathing another kiss on her forehead. 

"You were so incredibly sexy," he whispers, hugging her close. "I just couldn't hold back any longer at that point."

Blushing slightly, she averts her eyes, snuggling closer as he runs gentle fingers through her feathers. "Try to sleep, Miella." With his other hand, he begins to stroke through her hair as she looks at him with tired eyes. "I wanted to talk to you about something else," she murmurs, closing her eyes slowly. 

" It can wait until tomorrow. Now try to sleep."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> Updates for this one will come in a ways slower rate but it's not abandoned. Just personal reasons.
> 
> Have a great day and stay healthy!


	14. Unexpected allies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there!
> 
> After a long time without any update, I'm happy to finally share the new chapter. 
> 
> As maybe some of you have already noticed, some things have changed. I have made some changes in the plot and in the process also changed the name.
> 
> I really hope updates will follow more regularly now. Even if this chapter is very short and mainly helps to build up the following changes properly!
> 
> Have fun and stay healthy!

  
"...Will always protect you..."

Exhausted, Xayah presses her eyes shut, her ears twitching slightly as Rakan's voice slips to her. A loving smile spreads across her lips as she tries to drift back into peaceful sleep. 

"...Love you and will always be there for you..."

Gentle, loving fingers stroke her belly, tender, circular motions as Rakan continues to whisper. For a split second, she opens her eyes a small crack, realizing that he is lying on her chest, talking to their unborn child. The smile on her lips widens and she lets her fingers slide tenderly through his hair. 

"Good morning, Mieli," she murmurs, sleep clearly audible in her voice. 

Surprised, he looks up, a smile spreading across his face as he lies down next to her, gently stroking her chest with one hand. "Good morning, Miella," he whispers softly, breathing a gentle kiss on her lips. "I didn't mean to wake you," he adds just as softly. Her fingertips slide over his cheek as she slowly shakes her head, still smiling. "You didn't wake me." 

The soft laugh that Xayah makes causes his heart to beat faster as he breathes a few kisses on her cheek and neck, receiving more laughter from her in response. 

The pressure of his hand on her chest gets slightly stronger, receiving a soft gasp from her in response. "We have a little time left," Rakan whispers, giving her a soft smile, prompting her to drag him lovingly to her, breathing a soft kiss on his lips before she loses herself in his touch. 

~ * ~

In good mood, they walk down to the taproom, Xayah laughing softly as Rakan gestures excitedly with his hands, a wide grin on his lips before he brushes his hair back with a hand and looks at her with a wagging eyebrow. With another laugh, she nudges him aside slightly before her eyes turn to Anice and Blaan, walking over to their friends together. 

"So," Blaan begins as the two have joined them and ordered a pot of water. "What's the plan?" 

From the side, Xayah gives her husband a quick glance before sighing loudly and taking a sip from her jug. "First of all, I should tell you something," she murmurs softly, her eyes fixed on a small burn mark on the tabletop as she slowly bites her lower lip. The two Vastaya give each other a fleeting glance before Blaan places his hand on her shoulder.

"What is it?" he asks softly, looking at her seriously, but the slight smile still on his lips. Hesitantly, she looks up, glancing at her familiar, before smiling as well, clear sadness in her gaze. "During the first war between Ionia and Noxus..." she stops, taking a deep breath. "My tribe fought side by side with Noxus." 

Surprised, the two look at her, Anice's brow furrowed. "You already said that. Are you really sure about that? Where did you get this information?" she whispers, her upper body hunched over the tabletop, to which Xayah nods slowly. "Yes, sadly, I' m sure. Swain told me. And he..." she breaks off again, looking around the room before continuing in a whisper. "He asked me if the rebellion will join Noxus."

Startled, Anice backs up, eyes wide, a similar look visible in Blaan's eyes. "What... did you answer?" For a moment, Xayah bites her lower lip again, tearing off a bit of skin on the inside of her lower lip with her teeth, tasting the iron taste of blood on her tongue. 

"I refused."

She glances at her fingers before looking up again, relief obvious in her friends' eyes. "It may sound right.... but with my decision, I' ve made us to direct opponents of Noxus. Not just me... All of you. I put your lives in danger without talking to you about it first..."

Blaan's grip on her shoulder tightens and he looks at her seriously, a mixture of determination and certainty in his gaze. "You did the right thing. Every one of us supports your decision."

She nods slowly, taking out a folded sheet of parchment from her backpack and slowly unfolding it across the table. "I was thinking we could try to recruit a few people to our cause," she continues, pointing to the marketplace with the nail of her pointer finger. "You two can try to get one or two of them to notice you. Babe, for you I have a special task. You remember that young singer from yesterday?" 

Astonished, Rakan nods, looking at her intently as he skims his fingers over the gravure on his gold pocket mirror. "Yes, of course! What about her?" A broad smile flits across her lips as she looks at him. "I want you to perform with her. Like you used to. Distract those present while Blaan and Anice look for proper persons. I will guard the city gate and warn you if any source of danger becomes visible." 

With a happy smile, he looks at her, nodding quickly as a golden glow streams through his feathers, which isn't hidden from Xayah. "Any questions?" she adds in a whisper. Blaan tilts his head, looking at her with a smile. "Just one." Determined, she nods at him, waiting for him to ask his question.

"When do we start?"

  
~ * ~

  
Searchingly, Blaan and Anice look around, eyes fixed on the crowd in front of the small stage as the audience claps excitedly and moves to the rhythm of the song. "See anything?" whispers Anice, to which Blaan slowly shakes his head, still scanning the surroundings with his eyes. For a moment, his eyes rest on a small grouping of people and Vastaya alike, off stage and out of the crowd. 

With a gentle nudge of his elbow, he draws Anice's attention to the group, nodding to indicate that they should take a closer look. 

In the midst of the crowd stands a young woman, her long black hair tied into a loose braid, while a plain red suit is wrapped around her frame, accentuated in some places by silver armor. For a moment Blaan's brows draw together, giving Anice a surprised look as Anice nods to him. "Today seems to be our lucky day."

"My dear friends, don't be afraid. Even though it seems that this threat is darker than the last time, have faith. In yourselves, in us, in Ionia! We are all part of our home and we won't allow this shadow to settle over our home and our lands again. As long as we stand together and do the right thing, nothing and no one can stop us," the young woman calls out to the group as Blaan and Anice give each other a meaningful look. 

"We are Ionia!" the young woman shouts, and the crowd around her erupts in roaring applause.

~ * ~

"Why?!"

Angrily, Xayah stares at her two friends as she sidesteps a tree, not taking her eyes off them. "She's a great supporter of our cause! She has a lot of followers who see things the way we do, and she's as passionate about this as you are." Blaan's voice is soft and he looks at Xayah with a reassuring smile. 

"She's a human! Humans are inferior! Have you already forgotten what they d-" she breaks off, biting her lower lip as she hurries forward with quick steps, leaving the other three in silence. 

"What do you think about it?" Blaan looks questioningly at Rakan, hands tucked into the pockets of his pants as they both watch Xayah struggle through the undergrowth. "I think it's a good idea. You're right, having her as an ally is a great thing and this opportunity shouldn't have been wasted. Xayah knows you guys did the right thing. But...", he stops, eyes to the ground before looking from one to the other. " She will need some time. She still hasn't really gotten over what those Noxii did to her. She doesn't trust any humans anymore. And I can't even blame her." 

They nod to each other, following the tracks of their leader, who is slowly but surely making her way back to their camp. "How long will it be before she and her followers want to appear?"

"Tomorrow, maybe the next day. I hope everything goes well."


End file.
